Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones (2002) **1/2

The Phantom Menace was a film that proved that Star Wars could flub. Big time. As three years clicked by we thought that the next one will be better. The nest one has to be better. Production stills and trailers and merchandise teased us with a film that could capture the feeling of the original saga. It didn't happen.

Attack of the Clones is set 10 years after the events of The Phantom Menace. Obi-Wan (Ewan MacGregor) and Anakin (Hayden Christensen) are master and apprentice in the Jedi Order. They've been given the assignment of finding the assassin of Queen Amidala (Natalie Portman). Anakin and Padme fall for each other and there's a battle with these mysterious clones from the title ordered years ago by a thought to be dead Jedi.

Just trying to describe the plot is exhausting. There is so much thrown at you that it's like throwing bricks at a ladybug in the front yard. There isn't as much political intrigue as in the last film, but it's been replaced by an enormous collection of CGI collections and over the top situations. By over the top I mean that the odds of all of these events falling into place in one film are a number so large I just don't want to deal with it. Kind of like thinking about the plot.

The problem with actually reviewing Attack of the Clones is that I don't know who to blame for the acting. Do I go after the actors themselves or do I attack George Lucas and his feeble attempts at writing dialogue. It is horrendous. It's as course and harsh as the sand Anakin can't shut up about. The scenes where the pair are falling in love are such drivel it hits the brakes on a film where even most of the action sequences can'r save it, as opposed to The Phantom Menace that could pull you back in a little bit. At least Christopher Lee is in it as the antagonist Count Dooku, the only performance worth noting. And maybe Ian McDiarmid. I guess those guys can work thru terrible writing.

Attack of the Clones is a bloated film with no real soul to it. It feels like a mass produced item (which it is at this point) playing fan service with a couple of cool scenes and appearances (Jango Fett and Yoda). Otherwise the film is a disappointment. It isn't worse than The Phantom Menace, but it's not better. It's even. The tone has shifted, nut there isn't anything there to hold on to. This film leaves a "meh" feeling because you know that the real payoff is in the next film. Where Empire succeeds as the middle chapter, this film fails at miserably. This film is yet another disappointment and further discredits the franchise it's a part of.