Guys in sex comedies are always running into obstacles when they're about to get laid. Remember Pee Wee's problem when he was about to meet Cherry Forever? How about Judge Reinhold being caught in the beating it moment by Phoebe Cates? What about humping an apple pie? Miss March opens with our hero Eugene (Zach Cregger) downing some shots as he plans to bed his high school sweet heart for the first time. Of course he runs to an obstacle which is falling down a flight of stairs and going into a four year coma. When he wakes up he finds out that sweet, innocent Cindi (Raquel Alessi) is Playboy magazine's Miss March. Spurred on by his horny friend Tucker (Trevor Moore) he begins his quest to... well, we really have no idea.This movie wouldn't have been half bad if it had actually been funny. Yes, the guy defecates on himself from the coma, but how many times are we going to use that in the movie. On that note how in the hell can a guy in a coma go road tripping in the matter of days? What's up with the killer firemen? Why is the script as flimsy as toilet paper on chili night? And finally what is up with the current trend of having the ugliest looking guys being players? I have to harken back to Sex Drive where a guy that looks like a young Roger Ebert and dresses like Borat is the heir apparent to Wilt Chamberlain. Sure Tucker is shot down at the Playboy Mansion, but you would have to be some kind of masochist to even spend five minutes alone with this guy. Miss March seems to try to strike the Girl Next Door lightning, with Fox going so far as mimicking the packaging of that original release. As I said earlier Miss March would have been a good sex comedy if it had actually been funny. It's not even a stupid funny, it's just like a bad taste in your mouth from drinking too much cheap beer- it tries to be the good stuff, but it's still just crap.
The year is 1985. The United States won the war in Vietnam. Richard Nixon is in his fifth term as President. The St. Louis Cardinals have won the World Series (oh, that actually happened). And in this alternate 1985 costumed superheroes have been outlawed, existing for the last forty years and helping change those little historical tid bits I listed above (except the World Series). Watchmen explores this odd 1985 that is filled with retired superheroes and a world on the brink of nuclear annihilation. The film opens with the death of Edward Blake, also known as the Comedian, a retired costumed superhero who is beaten to death in his home. The rebelious Rorschach (Jack Earl Haley) who sports a mask that chnages into- you guessed it- Rorschach images. As the film progresses other former superheroes such as Nite Owl (Patrick Wilson), Ozymandias (Matthew Goode), Silk Spectre (Malin Akerman), and Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup) are pulled into a shceme that proves to be much bigger than the simple murder of a former member of their clan.The Watchmen aren't like a Justice League or X-Men. Excluding Dr. Manhattan they have no real super human abilities other than they can kick your ass better than anyone else. Dr. Manhattan is another story all together. If God created man then man created a God on Earth when our good doctor was irradiated in some Marvelesque experiment. He can do anything. Nothing hurts him. He is perfection.With Watchmen director Zack Snyder (Dawn of the Dead, 300) has the daunting task of putting writer Alan Moore's masterpiece on the big screen. A daunting task considering that Watchmen and The Dark Knight Returns are considered the old and new testaments of comic lore. The film is a political statement for 1985 with Snyder wisely avoiding updating the film to present times that drug down Moore's other adaptation from this era V For Vendetta. I've never read the graphic novel so I have no idea how that piece compares with the film other than what people have told me which is the usual "they left a bunch of stuff out". The movie's two hours and forty minutes long: you have to expect the studio to try to make some money back. Snyder does get a good flow in the film, though some bits do seem rushed in the long run.I have to say that Watchmen wasn't the earth shattering experience that we're led to believe is contained within its confines. As a comic book movie (excuse me, graphic novel) it is above average, mainly due to Moore's source material that plays more intelligently than the standard fare coming out of Hollywood. It's not anything great, but it is a very good film. Maybe I'll crack the comic book (graphic novel) sometime.
It's not very often that I get the privilege of seeing a film as terrible as Sex and Death 101. I thank everyone for the opportunity to see what crap looks like first hand and appreciate the effort that didn't go into this movie.
The film is about Roderick Blank (Simon Baker) who gets an email listing all of the women he has or will ever have sex with. So what does he do with this information? He proceeds to lay more pipe than a plumber while awing his friends at his sexual conquests. When it's finally revealed that Rodericks last conquest on his list is a Black Widowish killer Death Nell (Winona Ryder) it's almost a race to not get laid in this unfunny spectacle from director Daniel Waters.
The way the movie plays out is about as interesting as a late night infomercial about Spam. Here's the movie in a nutshell: Gets list, has sex, has sex, repeat one and two. If there was actually anything funny in the film it might have been interesting, but we're left with the same stupid quips and the screenwriters passion for films from 1971. Add to this the fact that this film is close to the two hour mark and you get a ridiculous beating to the head as the same schtick continues over and over again. The acting sucks, but not as bad as the screenwriting which tries to be high brow but ends up being just a low rent Skinemax screw movie.
