When going into a movie like Dear John you are guaranteed two things. The first being that someone is going to die. It's a fact. Nicholas Sparks has killed more men than cancer. The second is cheese. Cheesy dialogue, cheesy acting, and a story so full of cheese you will behold its power like those commercials tell us we need to do. The thing you have to remember is that cheese sells.
The plot is this: John (Channing Tatum) meets Savannah (Amanda Seyfriend) and they fall in love. John's in the military, he goes off vowing to make her an honest woman. 9/11 occurs and John re-enlists. Savannah has to deal. Dad is Rain Man. Yes, this film exploits a ton of situations just to get you going. Yet it still fails.
Someone needed to write John and tell him this movie should be considered DOA. It felt like three plots mashed together into one blob that doesn't really make much sense unless you read the book. Believe me, if the book runs as poorly as the film does then there's is something to being illiterate.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Extraordinary Measures (2010) **
Extraordinary Measures follows the story of P.R. man John Crowley (Brendan Fraser) and his wife Aileen (Keri Russell) as they cope with and search for a cure to the genetic disorder plaguing two of their children. John's research leads him to Dr. Robert Stonehill (Harrison Ford), who is a leader in theorizing cures for the disease, but has no real funding to test them. The film unfolds as the two develop an organization and raise capital so that John can find a cure for his children.
Extraordinary Measures feels like a made for TV film, probably for Lifetime or O!, the difference being that the budgets are bigger and you have a cast that has been heard of before. It's paint by numbers here: John's desperate, reaches out to Stonehill, Stonehill shoots him down, promises are made, Stonehill meets the kids, one kid is very adult-like, Stonehill falls in line, away we go. We've seen this plot thousands of times. There's nothing new here. Fraser is a little over the top as the father; I know he should be over the top as THE father, but he seems to ham it up on the wrong occasions. Keri Russell is very good in the film, but she is used more as a back drop for Fraser, a shoulder to cry on so to speak. More of a role for her would have benefited this film tremendously. That brings us to Mr. Ford, who has seen better days, yet I can't help but feel that this is the closest to the real Harrison Ford you'll ever see on screen- quiet, reserved, wants to be left the hell alone, yet he'll rip your head off as needed. Sadly, he's too good for the material he's given.
This is supposed to be one of those films that tears at the heartstrings, making you feel for a father willing to do anything for his kids, like make seven figures and move into a mansion. That's a hard thing to do. You're more likely to be checking your watch at the hour point and praying for either a cure or death during the closing thirty. Three words- cliched, hokey, and dull.
Extraordinary Measures feels like a made for TV film, probably for Lifetime or O!, the difference being that the budgets are bigger and you have a cast that has been heard of before. It's paint by numbers here: John's desperate, reaches out to Stonehill, Stonehill shoots him down, promises are made, Stonehill meets the kids, one kid is very adult-like, Stonehill falls in line, away we go. We've seen this plot thousands of times. There's nothing new here. Fraser is a little over the top as the father; I know he should be over the top as THE father, but he seems to ham it up on the wrong occasions. Keri Russell is very good in the film, but she is used more as a back drop for Fraser, a shoulder to cry on so to speak. More of a role for her would have benefited this film tremendously. That brings us to Mr. Ford, who has seen better days, yet I can't help but feel that this is the closest to the real Harrison Ford you'll ever see on screen- quiet, reserved, wants to be left the hell alone, yet he'll rip your head off as needed. Sadly, he's too good for the material he's given.
This is supposed to be one of those films that tears at the heartstrings, making you feel for a father willing to do anything for his kids, like make seven figures and move into a mansion. That's a hard thing to do. You're more likely to be checking your watch at the hour point and praying for either a cure or death during the closing thirty. Three words- cliched, hokey, and dull.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
She's Out Of My League (2010) ***1/2
We've all seen it before. "How in the hell did HE end up with HER?" discussion that comes up when a guy of minimal social skills and looks ends up with the 10. Molly (Alice Eve) is in double digit territory, while Kirk (Jay Baruchel) is lucky to be half that amount, but in a strange twist of fate and a lost phone Molly and Kirk end up together, much to the bewilderment of their friends and family.
Now before you think this is a romantic comedy I must warn you that this is comedy in the raunchy arena. There is a testicle shaving scene. Enough said. On the other hand, this isn't a one off raunchy fest like last years I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, which was a fall flat, unfunny dud that tries to play off having a message. She's Out Of My League is dirty at times and it's sweet at other times. There's a message in there- Who gives a shit what other people think. If your happy with where you are and who you're with, then that's what it's all about.
This is one of those movies that couple will actually enjoy together. The ladies will like the love story aspects of the film and the guys will enjoy a nice bit about premature ejaculation. It's a win-win.
Now before you think this is a romantic comedy I must warn you that this is comedy in the raunchy arena. There is a testicle shaving scene. Enough said. On the other hand, this isn't a one off raunchy fest like last years I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, which was a fall flat, unfunny dud that tries to play off having a message. She's Out Of My League is dirty at times and it's sweet at other times. There's a message in there- Who gives a shit what other people think. If your happy with where you are and who you're with, then that's what it's all about.
This is one of those movies that couple will actually enjoy together. The ladies will like the love story aspects of the film and the guys will enjoy a nice bit about premature ejaculation. It's a win-win.
Book Of Eli (2010) ****
Once again, we travel to the land of post-apocalyptic hell in movies, a desolate existence of scavenging for water, food, iPod batteries, and books. The title character Eli (Denzel Washington) is doing what Samuel L. Jackson was destined to do in Pulp Fiction and walk the earth, carrying with him a leather bound book that he protects with his life. His is an existence of living off the dead carcass of humanity and being cautious of the remaining humanity that has fallen into decay. Eli stumbles into a town looking to recharge his MP3 player that happens to be controlled by Carnegie (Gary Oldman), an overlord that is obsessed with books, any books he can get. But there's one book in particular that he's looking for and guess who happens to have a leather bound copy in his grasp? Eventually the solo Eli befriends Solara (Mila Kunis) who helps and is helped by Eli.
Directed by The Hughes Brothers, the film represents a world that is as gray as it appears during the film. It's a bleakly shot film that represents the world Eli walks through. The apocalypse has done little for UV Rays as everyone is forced to wearing sunglasses outside or be rendered blind as a bat. The film feels like an overcast day where the sun isn't shining, yet it still hurts the eyes. A depressing looking film for a depressing looking world.
Obviously, a film with Denzel Washington and Gary Oldman is going to be at the high end of the acting scale. Denzel is always good at playing the character he's created over the years, molding it to the situation and psychology of his role. He again achieves this in Book of Eli. Of course Gary Oldman could play Michael Jackson if he wanted to, a consummate actor who becomes the role that he plays.
Book of Eli is a fine example of an action film that is smarter than your average action film, a movie with a story that can be almost inspirational at times. It does throw some curve balls at the audience, but unlike some of the other plot twist films it doesn't hinge on the plot twist. It's a film you won't be disappointed in.
Directed by The Hughes Brothers, the film represents a world that is as gray as it appears during the film. It's a bleakly shot film that represents the world Eli walks through. The apocalypse has done little for UV Rays as everyone is forced to wearing sunglasses outside or be rendered blind as a bat. The film feels like an overcast day where the sun isn't shining, yet it still hurts the eyes. A depressing looking film for a depressing looking world.
Obviously, a film with Denzel Washington and Gary Oldman is going to be at the high end of the acting scale. Denzel is always good at playing the character he's created over the years, molding it to the situation and psychology of his role. He again achieves this in Book of Eli. Of course Gary Oldman could play Michael Jackson if he wanted to, a consummate actor who becomes the role that he plays.
Book of Eli is a fine example of an action film that is smarter than your average action film, a movie with a story that can be almost inspirational at times. It does throw some curve balls at the audience, but unlike some of the other plot twist films it doesn't hinge on the plot twist. It's a film you won't be disappointed in.
Timer (2009) *
This is one of those films that thought it had a great gimmick, but didn't achieve anything real substantial because that great gimmick really sucks. Would humanity really stoop to getting the gratification of knowing when that person would enter their lives? I don't know. Probably. The problem with Timer is that you watch most of the film hoping that true love will overcome a piece of plastic and silicon attached to everyone's wrist, but in the end technology wins out. If there's a metaphor there about us right now I can't see it through the haze. We Shall Overcome has been replaced with Now Serving #47.
Sprinkled with bad acting, writing, and directing Timer is your typical direct to video mainstay that keeps rental stores shelves full. It's a good date movie that you'll forget about during dinner or a tumble in the back seat of the car. Seriously, I wrote the title down to write this review later and had no clue what movie this was until i went to IMDb to figure out what movie I was writing about. Don't waste a lot of money on this one because you'll be somewhere later, looking for what you spent on Timer wondering "I thought I had three ones in my pocket". This is a masterpiece in forgetability.
Monday, July 5, 2010
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010) *
I have to open up this review of the new Twilight film Eclipse with a little story. It's kind of reminiscent of my review of Made of Honor and the long walk that was made by numerous men drug to the film by their wives/girlfriends/mistresses. As I sat in the theater waiting for the lights to dim and the screen to light up with images of pale vampires and topless werewolves I yet again saw the long walk, as if these guys were going to the electric chair. I wanted to stand up and walk over to these sad guys with their heads down low and give them a hug and say "It's going to be OK. We're going to get through all of this. I saw Ghosts of Girlfriends Past being the only male AND the oldest person in the theater and that movie had a topless hack that couldn't act, too." But then I realized that I was in a theater showing a Twilight movie and two guys doing that would be very, very gay.
Eclipse opens up with what can only be described as a feminine hygiene commercial. Our two starring lovers Edward (Robert Pattinson) and Bella (Kristen Stewart) are in a beautiful meadow with blooming flowers and bright sunshine around them, which is funny because he isn't burning to death or sparkling. As the film progresses Shark-Boy (Taylor Lautner) continuous tells Bella that he knows that she is in love with him because he has great abs and mediocre acting ability. I have to apologize to the word mediocre for using it to describe or topless hero. While the whining continues there's some kind of vampire army being created so that a vengeful vampire (Bryce Dallas Howard) can get even with Bella and her vampire posse. In an effort to thwart her plans the vampires team up with the wolves to stop the growing influx of illegal immigrants-eh vampires.
Eclipse is schlock of the lowest common denominator, a piece of melodramatic drivel written so that we can get some heartfelt exchanges and teenage lust. I don't understand how people can read this shit when I can barely stand to sit there and watch it. The characters are one dimensional dishrags that have no substances other than to give their respective looks for the camera. Bella is always looking down, depressed because she isn't dead yet. Edward has that GQ look to him that screams "that's right baby, too good to be true." And Jacob is the king of the temper tantrum, sulking with his bottom lip poking out. Cry my hands full, baby.
This is a very basic movie. You have to ask yourself the question: Why would the wolves want to help the vampires to protect Bella? Hundreds of years of antagonism between the two parties and they suddenly decide that we should make friends so that we can protect the goth chick that isn't even a local. I believe in the tooth fairy, too. I understand this is a film about vampires and wolves, but at least center the god damn thing in some sort of reality, not a fantasy land of shimmering corpses and instant abs when you reach puberty.
At it's best moments this film is a total waste of effort. I've used the term "all gravy and no meat" before and with Eclipse there isn't even gravy. Just a lonely styrofoam plate, totally disposable because you can grab a new one next time. That's what this film and the entire "saga" reprsentsa disposable cash cow. That ticket will get paid for. You'll by the DVD. Tweens will plant the posters all over there walls, much to the chagrin of their father's drywall skills. You'll forget about it when it's gone.
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