So I was going through the video store, looking around at the garbage that Hollywood produces these days and lo and behold I found a film called Midnight Meat Train. Whoa! This movie doesn't belong here! It belongs in the back behind the beaded curtain. Then I notice Vinnie Jones and blood dripping across the window and realized that this is some kind of horror movie.Midnight Meat Train follows the exploits of a butcher by day, butcher by night played by Vinnie Jones who boards a late night subway train, gets a few people alone, then proceeds to slaughter them in some of the worst CGI I've ever seen. I'm serious, Abraham Lincoln would laugh at this CGI. Throw in a photographer (Bradley Cooper) who starts investigating our butcher and you get a film that tries to be a little Hitchcockian, but ends up flat, tasteless, and dull. The photographer's decent into the obsession is supposed to be the intriguing part, but it just comes off as a tedious plot point to climb over as we wait for more Vinnie Jones slaughter. Sure Vinnie is a bad ass, but could they have given him at least one other facial expression. It wasn't much of a stretch for Vinnie. Just tell him his favorite soccer team sucks and you have "the look".
Written by Clive Barker, who is still riding the greatness that was the first Hellraiser, Midnight Meat Train is basically a very cool name with a shit movie attached.
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