The Losers (2010) ***1/2

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The Losers are one of those military outfits that none of those know about and members of Congress shouldn't ask about. There's the Colonel, Clay (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), the tech geek Jensen (Chris Evans), the bad ass Roque (Idris Elba), the driver Pooch (Columbus Short), and the sharpshooter Cougar (Oscar Jaenada). They're your typical, well rounded covert operations unit. The thing is that during a routine mission to take out a drug lord they end up getting burned by their CIA handler named Max (Jason Patric), who is also a psychopathic arms dealer. Thought to be dead The Losers leech onto society in Central America until Aisha (Zoe Saldana) gives them the opportunity to get even with Max and his operation.

First things first, The Losers is based on a comic book so you're going to have to suspend reality a bit when watching this movie. This isn't a built up political thriller and it doesn't need it. That would just water down what this film is, which is a hard boiled action film. This is the kind of flick that you grab some popcorn and just bask in its glow. It's not a pure orgy of violence, but it's a fun movie to watch that doesn't bore you nor preach to you until you want to bury your head in the popcorn bucket. I will give some props to Jason Patric as Max, who plays what could have been a great James Bond villain. In comparison he beats all the Bond baddies since Christopher Walken played another Max 25 years ago.

The Losers is like a great roller coaster that has no redeeming value except to entertain. it doesn't try to be more than it really is and it delivers a fast paced action film. Sure it's cliched, but sometimes that's not a bad thing when executed right.

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985) **1/2

Any edge that the first two Mad Max films had was dulled to nothing in this third chapter of George Miller's apocalyptic saga of scavenging for fuel and Aussie accents. In this installment Max (Mel Gibson) ends up in Barter Town searching for his stolen camels. He ends up working for Aunty Entity (Tina Turner), the Hillary Clintonesque leader of the village. She wants Max to eliminate her competition called Master Blaster, which happens to be an old midget riding on the back of a retarded giant. They have a little tumble in Thunderdome, the Judge Judy of Barter Town and when Max gets a tad bit of humanity back and refuses to kill this defenseless big guy, he's forced into the desert tied to a mule to die. He stumbles onto a group of kids ala Lord of the Flies who want to go to Tommorrowland (I hope they get Park Hopper) and it's up to Max to save them for their trip to wherever the hell it is they want to go.

The simplicity was what let the first two films be so damn good, especially the second act. They were basic. A lone guy out on his own trying to maintain himself, yet he allows a certain moral code to prevail. With Thunderdome we get that political undertone which always kills a movie that isn't set in Washington (Phantom Menace anyone?) The idea that these kids are sitting around waiting for their great savior isn't much of a plot point and certainly has no place in a Mad Max movie. What's the formula for a Max movie? Car chase-crash-plot point-crash-crash-conundrum-repeat. They complicated the formula to mixed results. And why in the hell is Tina Turner in this?

The Back Up Plan (2010) 1/2

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The Back-up Plan takes every pregnancy cliche in the history of human procreation, smashes it all together, then stirs in a loving does of romantic cliches delivering a predictable, dull, poor excuse of a film that doesn't even get a guffaw, let alone a full blown laugh. Damn, that's a long sentence. 

Zoe (Jennifer Lopez) is a busy, career minded gal who always finds faults with every man she meets. She wants a baby, Robert Klein does the deed artificially and BAM, we have a bun in the oven. But guess what happens on the way home from the procedure? Yep, she meets Mr. Right (Alex O'Loughlin) and they begin a relationship of disdain that soon turns into sex in a barn full of cheese. Hilarity ensues as she proceeds to eat everything, complain about her ass size, and he goes nuts. There's the obligatory break up and- well, you know the rest.

There's no sense wasting anymore time one this, the movie is crap. No one in the film can act, especially our two wonderful leads. If either of them did anything that was either A) funny or B) involving I might have been interested, but this film is just a waste of film or information depending on how it was shot. This isn't even a very good date movie, so watch out guys you may get a back fire. When the funniest scene in the film involves a four year old holding cat shit you know we're screwed.

Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981) ****1/2

In my review of this films predecessor I called it an apocalyptic western that follows the course of a reluctant law man who is forced back into his profession of killing for the honor of others. You can call Mad Max the Gary Cooper of the series. The Road Warrior is the Clint Eastwood. A mysterious stranger that rolls into town for his own gain, yet winds up helping the locals against the tyranny of a menacing force. Think A Fistful of Dollars.

After a little explanation on why in the hell this guy is driving around the desert in a mid '70's Ford Falcon the film opens with a chase. This is no Smokey and the Bandit chase unless Buford T. Justice is sporting a mohawk and assless chaps. Max (Mel Gibson) disposes of his foes in his usual style and proceeds through the wasteland he wanders since the death of his family. He eventually stumbles on an oil and gas refinery that is being terrorized by a group of marauders led by a muscle bound freak in a hockey mask (this was pre-Friday the 13th Part 3 by the way). They want the "juice". The people inside want to keep it. Max devises a plan where they can move their gas while filling up his tanks. You just know that means massive crashes and extraordinary deaths. This is Mad Max we're talking about.

Grittier than the first film, The Road Warrior is a fast paced, high octane monster that comes roaring out at you from its first moments until the massive climax at the end. As I said before, the story is old and basic, but the visuals and especially the stunt work and driving move this beyond the many B westerns that used the same plot devices. Even after multiple viewings this is still an amazing film to watch just for the pure excitement of it. Perfectly executed by director George Miller, some may be turned off by the S&M wardrobe and lack of dialogue from the lead. It doesn't matter. The Road Warrior is a fire breathing monster that will keep you on the edge of your seat with a nice script, beautiful direction, and some of the greatest car chase sequences ever put to film.

Mad Max (1979) ****

A few years from now anarchy will reign supreme. Oil shortages will make V-8 engines virtually non existent. The infrastructure has collapsed due to the over burdens on the system. Public works is just a pile of ruble. The price of human life is very little. Wow, it almost seems like we're on our way to roving motorcycle gangs and meat trucks.

The title character in Mad Max (Mel Gibson) doesn't represent the thin blue line. there is no line anymore. It's just a bunch of guys who do a job they are disillusioned with for a variety of reasons. One guy does it to get off on the violence, another to get the chicks. Max does it because it's a job. He's good at the job, but he's disheartened by it and the mayhem it causes. His job is to stop renegades on the road without any concern to anyones safety, including his own. That's a tall order considering that he has a wife and son at home. There's a strong urge to leave, but deep down he knows that even if he left the Main Force Patrol, there would still be a kicking and screaming animal wanting another piece of him.


Mad Max is first and foremost an action film. The stunt work and crash sequences are magnificent. If you don't understand just check out the motorcycle crash at the end of the picture when one of the riders is scraping across the pavement only to be hit in the head with another riders motorcycle. You've heard of gorilla film making, this is gorilla stunt work. These sequences alone are worth the admission/rental/download price, but there's also a story here, too. It's your basic western set ahead of our time. A law man pushed to the brink, yet pulled back into the fray by circumstances beyond his control. You know he will saddle up one more time.


Directed by George Miller, this is a well made film for being so cheaply made by quite a few first time film makers. That's probably why it's so much better than standard fare in that it pushed the envelope because it was a low budget film. Mad Max is a classic apocalyptic tale that will keep you on the edge of your seat until the final explosion.

The Last Song (2010) 1/2

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The Last Song is a movie that is supposed to break your achy breaky heart. Yes, I went there. Do you want to know why? It's because this movie sucks as much as that song. This is another melodramatic mess from the Nicholas Sparks cash cow that have permeated news stands and book stores throughout the world. Now I've never read the books, but if they're as bad as the films then America has gone wrong somewhere along the line.

The film revolves around Ronnie (Miley Cyrus) who is a rebellious teenager. She is sent to spend the summer with her father (Greg Kinnear) in Georgia. You know what's going to happen, she meets a guy that is not in her class, yet they still fall in love. Aaaaaaawww. But, alas, this is a Nicholas Sparks story- someone is going to die.

That's your basic plot in a nutshell. Very simple, seen before, will be seen again as long as Nicholas Sparks can still create sentences. There is one essential problem with The Last Song. One thing turns this movie from a mediocre-average romantic comedy to complete garbage. That problem is Miley Cyrus. You see, she can't act. Not at all. It's not there. Not even close. Whoever told her she could go from her pop bubble gum bullshit to drama like this is an idiot. This is the worst single performance I have seen in years. Years! I would call her acting skills on par with anyone in the original I Spit On Your Grave. That crap may work on the Disney Channel, but in real movies it's called shit. Pure shit.

Like I said, take away the Cyrus performance and you have a mediocre movie to begin with. She sends this to oblivion. There's probably a dozen young actresses out there that should have gotten this role, but they don't sell lunch boxes and movie tickets as well. Let's hope Miley's fifteen minutes ends before she soils a movie screen again.

Mad Dog and Glory (1993) ****1/2

People are never happy with where they are. You can always do more, even if you think you have what you want. It's never enough when you get there. For Wayne "Mad Dog" Dobie (Robert De Niro) the thought of a good retirement and health care as a police forensic photography, but he craves to be an artist. He craves to have a girl. He craves to be a tough man, the American ideal like John Wayne. One night he stops by a convenience store and in his own way saves Frank Milo (Bill Murray) from a robber. Frank wants to re-pay Mad Dog for saving him so he gives him a girl named Glory (Uma Thurman) for a week of... whatever. It's in that week that Mad Dog takes to first steps to be the person he wants to be, the problem is that when the weeks up Frank, who happens to be a mobster, wants Glory back to work off the rest of the tab she owes him. 

There's some weird casting in this. De Niro is the quiet, sky photographer while Bill Murray is the crime lord. It's different and it works. The pair play off each other in a way that is mesmerizing on screen. Bill Murray goes beyond his usual schtick and allows a peak at a dark demon that underlies his character who also spends time as a Mafia stand up comic. This film is one of Uma Thurman's greatest performances, balancing out a naive girl who has learned some street smarts since being under Franks thumb.

Frank tells Mad Dog when they meet that he had the ability to fulfill his dreams and that's basically what the film shows in a warped sort of path. Mad Dog and Glory is a great movie with some classic performances that may have been forgotten over the years. It's a lost gem of the early 1990's.