G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009) ***1/2

Before I get started I have to say that G.I. Joe was my favorite toy during my childhood. I was like Ronald Reagan was not only funding national defense in real life, he was also pouring money into my toy box to fight our own evil empire known as Cobra, the coolest terrorists on earth.

Finally, after 25 years, the little plastic guys with swivel arms get their own movie. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is about a group of international tech savvy soldiers grouped together to pull off the impossible missions and save the world on a daily basis. The main plot of the story are the four warheads that can eat cities and continually changes hands throughout the film. The warheads are products of MARS industries, headed by James McCullen (Christopher Eccleston), a pissed off Scottish guy who has decided to use his products to create a new world order with himself in charge. With the help of Storm Shadow (Byunh-hung Lee) and his flame the Baroness (Sienna Miller) McCullen and his army of Nano Troopers and the mysterious "Doctor" the group sets out on their operation of world domination. It's up to G.I. Joe to stop them.

What's up with this summer being full of stuff from the 1980's. We had the Transformers sequel. We had the death of Michael Jackson which has led to an onslaught of CD's, radio airplay, and parachute pants unrivaled since new Coke was introduced. Now we get G.I. Joe. Now I'll be honest- I had little faith in this film. The previews made it look like a dismal failure, something that should have been marked direct to video sitting next to the newest Val Kilmer flick. I did have high hopes for Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and was not disappointed because he does most of the work in the picture. Everyone else is using gadgets and playing arm chair solider while Snake is being drug under a car and being the ass kicker we always knew he was. Most of the characters are your typical action film stereotypes: the gruff leader General Hawk (Dennis Quaid), the rebel who ends up caring Duke (Channing Tatum), the comic relief Ripcord (Marlon Wayans), the super intelligent never lost a fight girl Scarlett (Rachel Nichols). Typical. Of course the bad guys are more interesting.

The film is a summer action flick. You can't go in expecting the Dark Knight or anything close. This is a movie where you go in and watch stuff blow up for two hours. Sure, the plot's ridiculous, but do you remember some of the cartoons? I took the time to review such gems as The Pyramid of Darkness, The Weather Dominator, and Arise, Serpentor, Arise and I have to tell you that this plot is tame compared to those oldies. Sure, this one has an underwater base beneath the polar ice cap, but remember that giant temple that went up and down in the sand? If you like stuff blowing up, sexy women in leather outfits shooting guns, and ninjas then you'll love G.I. Joe. Even if you never had a figure in your life. If you don't then your wife/girlfriend/life partner will be taking you to see Julie and Julia, which I'm sure doesn't have the leather chicks with guns or ninjas, which is a shame.

Of course the fanboys like myself will be complaining about this film "raping" their childhood like it was Ving Rhames in a pawn shop and I will admit I was disappointed in some of the directions they took with these beloved characters of my youth. Just ignore that going and and remember that all of that was 25 years ago. Sure I prefer the old school stuff, but this movie is directed at 8 year old boys in 2009 not 8 year old boys in 1985.

And now you know.

And knowing is half the battle.