Sononothing's Reviews

Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes (2011) ****1/2

2011-08-13T10:26:00.000-07:00

Let's be honest with ourselves. This summer has not been the greatest movie wise. It's been kind of weak actually, with the lackluster Green Lantern opening it up and things have gone down hill from there. Then I heard of another Planet of the Apes movie, which after the last one seemed like a horrible idea. Let it die, I said. It's a franchise pushing fifty and Tim Burton's remake fest did nothing to help the cause of re-introducing damn dirty apes to the public.

Planet of the Apes was one of the staples growing up, along with Star Wars. There is still a Planet of the Apes trash can sitting at my moms house as I write this (any offers?). I was cautious about this film, with its predecessor and the fact it was getting the August end of summer release date which usually isn't a good sign. Shockingly, I will admit how wrong I was about the Apes for a new generation.

Rise is pure prequel that follows Will Rodman (James Franco) in his quest to cure Alzheimer's with a drug that repairs lost brain cells. After a catastrophic event that sets his research back by a decade he ends up caring for a baby chimp named Caesar (Andy Serkis) that has inherited that enhanced IQ of his mother and develops even faster than a human child. Caesar is raised as a human, yet doesn't fit in. He doesn't know where he falls in the ways of the world, being shunned by humans and apes. Eventually he makes a choice after seeing the suffering and indignities laid upon his fellow travelers.

The key to Rise of the Planet of the Apes are the performances, mainly by the CGI enhanced apes themselves. There's more feeling and emotion from the faux primates than their human counterparts, yet it's not over the top, cartoony emotion. It's buried underneath the face of the wild. It's subtle, yet it's not. This is very difficult to explain. By the second half of the film they steal the show. Once again an Apes film delivers state of the art special effects, although they are comparable to the invention of a stone wheel and a Corvette. That's progress.

Apes is the best movie I've seen this summer and probably this year. It could be accused of being a little slow in the beginning, but it keeps you interested and that's they key to the movie. I don't care how much stuff you blow up in the second half, if you fail to keep people interested with a good story all will be lost. The length doesn't bludgeon the film as we've seen in the last few years and it succeeds from it. A great flick to end the summer with.

Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, Part Two (2011)****

2011-07-26T14:17:00.000-07:00

Harry Potter 7.5 begins where the last film left off. Harry (Daniel Radliffe), Ron (Rupert Grint), and Hermione (Emma Watson) continue to scour Britain for the remaining horcruxes containing the soul of Lord Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes). The film comes to a climax at Hogwarts where the forces of good and evil face off.

To start I have to say that I didn't care for the first half of Deathly Hallows. The film was a slow, dull journey about camping in the woods. It's like the British version of Deliverance. This second half makes up for all of that, leaving one to wonder if splitting the book up was actually to fit everything in or to get movie goers to pay to admissions. This is a high spirited film with more to offer than last time. Instead of dragging 7.5 flew by to it's ultimate climax between Harry and Voldemort. A fitting ending for the series.

Phenomenons like Harry Potter are rare things. This has been a film series that an entire generation has grown up with. I never understood the obsession, but it's not for my generation of fuddy duddy's. We had Star Wars. It's a universal amazement by a piece of fiction that will transcend ages.

Arthur (2011) **

2011-07-19T16:50:00.000-07:00

Arthur (2011) is another example of why remakes suck. It's like a bolt of lightning if a remake is actually any good and this film has no spark in it at all. The basic story is the same as the original: rich Arthur (Russell Brand), arranged marriage with Susan (Jennifer Garner), falls in love with Linda-eh-Naomi (Greta Gerwig) Hobson (Helen Mirren) even had a sex change in this one.

The problem with this remake is that where the original shied away from using cliches, this one is chock full of cliches from the wonderful world of film. There's the sadistic future father in law meeting. There's the "I've got another woman hidden in my house." We get them all. The sad part of this film is when it tries to resurrect scenes from the original, which instead of giving nostalgia, just seem uncomfortable for the actors and the viewer watching it. Maybe it's because I watched the original a few nights before. I don't know.

There are some funny parts and it's almost an even film. It would be quite forgettable if it wasn't the remake of a good film.

(Ironically Helen Mirren and John Gielgud were in that Penthouse produced classic Caligula.)

Arthur (1981) ****

2011-07-19T16:35:00.000-07:00

Arthur is the story of a lovable drunk. A rich lovable drunk. Lovable drunks only appear in movies because most drunks break your stuff and urinate everywhere except the toilet. Arthur (Dudley Moore) doesn't work, just spends money with his faithful butler Hobson (John Gielgud) shaking his head in disgust. Arthur has been given an ultimatum: be the groom in an arranged marriage or be cut off. Dependence on money leads Arthur to reluctantly propose, but he ends up meeting his true love Linda (Liza Minnelli), a shoplifter from Queens. What everything boils down to is will Arthur decide to be rich and miserable or poor and happy.

Arthur has a dated feel that all early '80's comedies have. It's hard to describe, it just has that vibe of life just before CD's and such. It could have easily become another one of the cliched films that cam from this era thirty years ago, but the story isn't a cliche. It's very basic and develops into something more than it would have been. Of course the combined efforts of Dudley Moore as Arthur, spouting drunken jokes as he stumbles through life and the dead pan wisecracking of Gielgud as Hobson push this film beyond standard date night celluloid. Gielgud rightly deserved the Oscar for this one.

Dated? Yes. Still entertaining? Sure. It's like a time capsule film. Sure, it's dated, but its worth digging up every couple of years.

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly (1966) *****

2011-07-02T11:30:00.000-07:00

Everything Sergio Leone did before 1966 built up to The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly. A Fistful Of Dollars and For A Few Dollars More steadily increased the epic western that Leone envisioned until he released what is probably his greatest creation and the film that sealed Clint Eastwood's star power.

As gritty as its predecessors, The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly is set during the Civil War as the title trio goes on the hunt for $200,000 dollars in stolen gold. The Good is Blondie, played by Eastwood as he reprises his Man With No Name character. The Bad is Angel Eyes (Lee Van Cleef), a cold blooded killer who happens upon the gold story while working for another man. The Ugly is Tuco (Eli Wallach), a degenerate criminal hell bent on getting vengeance on Blondie, but is forced to change his tune when Blondie gains the key information to the hidden gold. The quest for gold begins in front of the back drop of the Civil War as battles impede the movement toward the buried coins and the gritty, bombed out towns serve as a refuge to the treasure hunters.

This is the third and final film in the Dollars trilogy and shows how popular and profitable Leone's vision had become. Given a larger budget for TGTBATU, Leone builds a larger world than in any previous dollars film. As in the others the west is a dirty place where there are no cowboys in black and white, just everyone wearing a shade of gray. The Good really isn't very good, he's just a man in his element.

Of course all of the Leone trademarks are present; the close ups and the grand vistas borrowed from John Ford. It's a drastic change from the almost crystal clean westerns of decades before. Is it realistic? Probably not, but life appears a lot closer to real human nature than other westerns. Survival of the fittest is the main theme in these films.

When looking at the cast the three leads are perfect. Eastwood's character is obviously a very good rehash from the previous dollars films, but Eli Wallach's Tuco is a sight to be believed. He appears to be bungling, but is actually way ahead when you really delve deeper into his character. "If you're going to shoot, shoot. Don't talk." The real switch is Lee Van Cleef, who played the fatherly Mortimer in For A Few Dollars More. In TGTBATU he is one of cinemas first natural born killers. A professional at what he does in every sense of the word.

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly has a legacy that has followed it since its release almost two generations ago. The west got harsher. The line between good and bad became blurred, bringing on a decade of the anti-hero. This film still influences directors and writers throughout the world. It is a masterpiece of film making with a story that is epic. Not only one of the greatest westerns ever made, one of the greatest films ever made.

Aguirre: The Wrath of God (1972) *****

2011-04-26T14:19:00.000-07:00

Deep in South American jungle there's something afoot. A splinter group from Pizzaro's expedition is sent to find El Dorado, the legendary city of gold. This group is steeped in Christianity as they spread it throughout the new land and the natives that inhabit it. It's like a trade in a way: We'll give you Christ if you give us the gold. As the film progresses and the group heads further into the jungle everything begins to fall apart as the natives become more and more restless and Aguirre (Klaus Kinski) develops the obsession of being the next Cortez.

Aguirre lends itself to so many films that came after it, particularly Apocalypse Now. The basic premise between the two films is the same. A mission on a boat slowly falls into total chaos. Just like the characters on screen, we have no idea what's around the bend in the river ahead. With Aguirre, there are two things that make it such a great movie. The first is Werner Herzog's direction. All great directors use the environment and the background as another character in their film. Herzog accomplishes this by making shots seem so beautiful and so sinister at the same time. What lies in the trees over there? Herzog gets into the soul of the jungle right along with the souls of the characters.

Of course when we talk about characters we have to discuss the second part of the Aguirre equation and that is Klaus Kinski. He is that desire, that rage, that cut throat individual that will advance to his goal no matter what the cost. He surveys the land like a god looking over his domain. He will start is own empire, even when things are at their darkest. In a way Aguirre and Kinski are bound by their identities. They're the same person in the end.

Aguirre is one of those films that people stumble upon. A story that doesn't sound like much on the surface becomes an imaginative journey into the unknown. A story that is universal in nature, Aguirre is a great piece of German cinema.

Black Swan (2010) *****

2011-04-12T18:42:00.000-07:00

Black Swan is about a dancer named Nina (Natalie Portman) who has already cracked under pressure. We don't know when and we don't know where she finally snapped, but the damage had long been accomplished by the time the movie starts. Nina's whole life is ballet. She is the object of perfection, almost like a Snow White complex. Nina is up for the lead in Swan Lake, where the dual roles of perfect, virginal angel, and the black clad seducteress are the headlining attractions. Nina is made for the White Swan, but can she let herself going playing the Black Swan, a completly different charachter and psyche. It's this metamorphisis that brings to mind the old adage "life immitating art".

As I said in the beginning, Nina was already unstable as she deals with psychological issues and being full of paranoia throughout the film. What Black Swan represents is the aftermath after breaking, the abyss in which people swim when they hit the bottom. Here fate was sealed before the studio moniker comes up. That's what is so sad about it.

Natalie Portman deserved her Oscar for this film, hands down. A mesmerizing performance that takes us into Nina's world of trying to balance the two personalities that she must become to be a success. Portman is the key ingredient in this film.

While watching this I was struck by how similar the story compares to Darren Aronofsky's other masterpiece The Wrestler. Both feature two people on the verge in their careers, although when is at the end while the other is at the beginning and the idea that they are willing to self destruct to reach their goals. Aronofsky has created another great film that explores the yearning of the soul and the lengths one will go to succeed in their life.

The Last House On The Left (1972) *

2011-03-30T18:45:00.000-07:00

Last House On The Left is an example of early 1970's exploitation cinema that deals with Mari (Sandra Cassell) and her friend Phyllis (Lucy Grantham) as they indulge on the eve of Mari becoming a woman ie. turning seventeen years old. They go to a concert in the big, bad city and wind up in the hands of Krug (David Hess) and his gang of fugitives. In the process of heading for Canada both girls are tortured, raped, and eventually killed. Ironically, their car breaks down in front of the home of Mari's parents (Gaylord St. James and Cynthia Carr). The group spends the night at their house posing as traveling insurance salesmen, but what happens when Mari's parents find out who they really are and what they did.

So what is Last House On The Left? Is it an early work of genius from Wes Craven? A masterpiece that showed a man that was well on his way to create films like The Hills Have Eyes and Nightmare On Elm Street? Is this effect doubled because it was produced by Sean "Friday The 13th" Cunningham? This is why the legend of this movie has grown as much as it has- because of the folks involved in it. This film is no different than the hundreds of other drive-in exploitation films that were being pumped out of various producers garages in the early 1970's. It's no better and no worse. A bad script, bad acting, a lack of money, and an inexperienced director makes this film almost laughable if it wasn't for the violence on the screen. That's the key to a film like this and I Spit On Your Grave. A quote comes to mind when thinking about these two films. One comes from Roger Ebert's original review of Spit in which he discusses a fellow patron at the theater he was watching the film at saying "that was a good one" at the end of one of the numerous rapes scenes in that film. There's an audiences for stuff like this. It's like porn. Screw the plot, as long as it has that stuff and an unsatisfying conclusion.

Just look at this like a rough draft for some of the films that Wes Craven would make later. It's his first one so we can't be to hard on the guy. it was the genre in 1972. But a classic of horror cinema? If that's the case then you can call a used piece of toilet paper a classic too.

Beauty Shop (2005) *1/2

2011-03-30T18:22:00.000-07:00

OK, so what's the plot? A hair stylist (Queen Latifah) walks out on her boss (Kevin Bacon). Boss doesn't think she'll make it. She makes it while stealing all of his customers in a comedic process. Meets hot guy (Dimon Hounsou). Boss tries to get revenge.

Yes, you have seen this movie before.

It has a few funny moments, some of them not intentional, but Beauty Shop really is your standard, predictable, recycled film. File this one under "Been there, done that".

Limitless (2011) ***

2011-03-26T15:49:00.000-07:00

Limitless opens with the Hollywood stereotype of writer Edward Morra (Bradley Cooper) sitting in front of a blank screen with nothing on it. You know there's a deadline or advance riding on this. His girlfriend (Abbie Cornish) has dumped him. He's a guy on the ropes with a knockout punch waiting to knock his jaw loose. By a chance meeting in the street Eddie stumbles upon something that could change the world that isn't an everlasting gob stopper. It's a pill that can be described as steroids for your brain where you use more than twenty percent of your available brainpower, holding and recalling vast amounts of data that you thought you forgot. Our hero Eddie is obviously going to use this wonder drug to his advantage, but with something to good to be true there's going to be somebody else out there that wants it. The film basically follows Eddie as he balances his gifts, the people who want to take them away, and his own sanity.

I have to say that Limitless is an amazing concept that is very intriguing on the surface. I thought it was a cool idea, the whole pill to the brain thing. The thing is that the film is a bit contrived and very predictable in nature. There will be no surprises because they don't leap out at you, they call before they come for a visit. Considering the trailer ruins what could have been a great plot twist also lowers the rating of the film for me (blame the studio). I know this is a movie about a noggin drug, but moments even exceed those plot points- killers that will run through 70+ people in a park, Scarface's apartment building. Over the top all the way.

This is an entertaining film, but nothing earth shattering. I'm sure in a few weeks it will be forgotten until the DVD comes out and then it will gain a slight freshness to people who don't go to a theater. And then you'll never hear about it again. A great plot poorly executed. Entertaining for the time being, but out of your system in a matter of days.

The Fighter (2010) ****

2011-03-22T16:30:00.000-07:00

The only way to start explaining The Fighter is to say "Imagine Rocky if he had his family lumbering around running his career." Mark Wahlberg plays Mickey Ward, a boxer on the verge of being over the hill. Mickey's considered a stepping stone for other fighters to pummel on their way to fortune and glory. Mickey's brother Dickie (Christian Bale) is a local legend who acts as a trainer for his brother. Dickie has also developed a crack addiction that is spiraling out of control. The family controls Mickey's career, but it soon seems that he's just a piece of meat while Dickie still rides on past glories. The eventual crash is set up almost from the beginning.

Did Bale deserve the Oscar? Of course he did. There's no screaming "Hey, it's Patrick Bateman!" or "Hey, it's Batman!" while watching this film. Bale morphs into the role of Dickie Ecklund. It's an amazing performance that should be highlighted as one of the best from the last decade, let alone the last year.

The funny thing is that art imitates life in that Bale's performance has overshadowed Mark Wahlbergs outstanding performance. He's a man torn between his family and what he wants. Props also go to Amy Adams as Mickey's girlfriend, going from the bubble gum films of yesteryear to deliver a gritty performance of a bar maid from the streets of Lowell, Massachusetts.

It's not really a perfect film, but the performances out do the issues with the story. The acting acts like an eraser. A good movie with terrific performances.

Hereafter (2010) ***1/2

2011-03-22T16:11:00.000-07:00

What happens when we die? Do we go to the light like Carol Anne said or do we just snuff out like a candle in a hurricane. Hereafter doesn't examine whether or not we all shine on, it examines how the idea of life after death affects three people in different parts of the world. Marie Lelay (Ceclile De France) is an in depth news reporter on a holiday. When a tsunami hits she is pulled away in the rising tide, dying for several minutes in the process. She sees a light. She sees people in the light. The few minutes she travels to the other side end up having a profound affect on her life and her career. Marcus (Frankie and George McLaren) is forced to deal with the loss of his twin brother, the death equating almost to the point of half of his being dying along with him. Then there's George (Matt Damon) a gosh darn real psychic who can see and talk to lost loved ones. George's problem is that his "gift" has left him isolated because everyone either A) wants something from him or B) his gift teaches him too much about other people, making them skittish.

Directed by Clint Eastwood, Hereafter is a film that delves into the other worlds we know nothing about, but doesn't rely on parlor tricks like Paranormal Activity and its kin. It's a thought provoking film, one that will have you discussing with others what the hell is on the other side of this life. The movie is wonderfully acted, though it drags a bit in parts. This isn't Eastwood's best work, but it does deliver the goods.

Let Me In (2010) ****

2011-03-15T17:35:00.000-07:00

Everyone wants to do a vampire movie. It's the hip thing to do like disaster movies were the hip thing to do a few years back. And superhero movies. If money can be made it will be rammed down your throat until you vomit dollars back at the wonderful studios giving you quality product. We even have parody vampire movies now, which are horrid, horrid films to have to sit through.

The thing about the vampire today is that he's not some creepy guy in a cape anymore, he's the Abercrombie model spewing cheesy lines with an even cheesier look on his face. It's sad that this is popular, but so was disco so I'll move along to the real point. When investing time in Let Me In I was paranoid that I was going to go on an A) vampire cheese filled ride or B) another girl psycho killer ride. So I sat down, watched the thing, and had by expectations exceeded on all levels.

Owen (Kodi Smit-McPhee) is the kid that lives with his mother, gets picked on at school, and has death fantasies in the courtyard of his apartment building. This is the kind of kid that will be bringing firearms to school in a few years. One night while threatening an imaginary girl with his knife he meets real girl Abby (Chloe Moretz) who can't be friends with him, which means they'll become friends later in the film. As the film slowly ticks away we learn about the nightly excursions of Abby's "father" (Richard Jenkins) and the changes that develop throughout the film, particularly in Abby's relationship with Owen.

Let's get this out of the way to start- Let Me In is the film that the Twilight series wants to be. This is a well acted, well produced film that doesn't make the viewer cringe with every piece of harlequin dialogue. It's gory without making you ill. It's scary while keeping you at ease. And the main difference between this and the other franchise is that this film has a heart whereas Twilight films have neither heart nor soul. It's a shell. Let Me In fills that shell and delivers a film that is worthy of the praise it receives.

Winter's Bone (2010) ****1/2

2011-01-09T16:42:00.000-08:00

Even though it's set in the Ozark Mountains, Winter's Bone isn't an intimate look at Branson and the Japanese violinist or Bald Knobbers. The film cuts deep into the soul of people scraping by in the wilderness on the Missouri-Arkansas border. The film follows Ree Dolley (Jennifer Lawrence), a 17 year old girl saddled with the responsibility of caring for a household populated by her two young siblings and a borderline catatonic mother. When her father vanishes after making bail Ree has to find him or his carcass to keep the bail bondsman from taking away the little sliver of mountains they call home. The problem Ree encounters, and is a constant in movies with an isolated population is the "code" that everyone is expected to follow. From stills to meth, the crime culture of the area stands in the way of Ree saving her family.

The thing about the way Jennifer Lawrence portrays Ree is in a way that contradicts itself. At times she is a confident young women that is focused on her mission at hand; at others she seems to be wandering aimlessly, wondering where her 17 year old head and heart should go. It's a sad tale in that the only way the father can help his family is by showing up somewhere as a corpse. It soon becomes apparent that Ree doesn't care if he shows up dead or alive. Hell, he was only half alive in their lives to begin with.

A finely made film by director Debra Granik, the key to Winter's Bone beyond Ree's story is the Ozark Mountain culture that you don't see in brochures for Silver Dollar City. For lack of a better term it's almost like a hillbilly mafia with cops in the pockets and beatings for the nosey. Granik reveals this world, a world beyond what we saw in Deliverance. This film redefines mountain people as more than the inbred hillbillies we city folk see. The woodsman has gotten smart.

This film is a great little gem that delivers a meaningful story filled with angst, but not the typical 17 year old angst we're usually treated to. You can't call it a coming of age story because Ree came of age a long time ago and is far beyond her odometer reading. Winter's Bone represents one obstacle in a life that's had plenty before it and will probably have many more after it. And we all know it.

Tron: Legacy (2010) ****

2011-01-08T19:58:00.001-08:00

There's an episode of Family Guy where Peter asks a group of people if any of them have ever seen Tron. Most say no. It's a cult movie, released during the summer of E.T. and before Return of the Jedi the original film made more of an impression in video arcades than movie theaters. I distinctly remember playing the video game at the arcade behind Pizzans (how many of you remember that joint?). The movie, however, remains a vague memory.

Before seeing Tron: Legacy i wanted a little refresher. Everyone I talked to had seen the original, but like me Ronald Reagan was still President at the time. I tried to rent it. I tried to buy it (out of print copies are going for $100+ on Amazon and ebay). I was amazed that Disney didn't re-release the original before the sequel came out since everyone had been out of the Tron Zone for close to three decades. I assume I'll have to wait for the eventual two pack on Blu-Ray.

The first good thing about Tron: Legacy is that you don't have to know the original film inside and out to enjoy it. The film picks up in 1989 with Kevin Flynn (Jeff Bridges, whose face is digitally time warped back to 1989) disappearing, leaving his son Sam (Garrett Hendlund) the majority stockholder of Kevin's software company, which has become the kind of evil empire that most companies become or are seen as epitomizing. After getting a vague message from his father's arcade, Sam takes a look around the old Donkey Kong and Galaga machines to discover his fathers workshop. Through an accident Sam is sent to the Grid, a computerized world full of programs and their leader Clu (also played by Bridges sans twenty years), whose program goal of creating a perfect world has turned him into the computerized equivalent of Adolph Hitler. Sam's goal becomes finding his father and bringing him back home after all these years.

Visually Tron: Legacy is a feast for the eyes, light years ahead of the original film and, dare I say, on par with Avatar's 3-D effects. This is a beautifully designed film that really pulls you into the world of the Grid. Usually with movies like this that are full of eye candy, the story sucks. I'm not saying this movie has the greatest story known to man and there are cringe worthy moments, but for the most part the story keeps you in the film and combined with the visuals creates an exciting film that also has very good 3-D effects. That's right, I liked the 3-D in this movie. I generally hate 3-D, but when my head movies with the action on the screen I have to say someone did a good job. I could discuss the actors, but let's be honest: the effects are the real stars.

As a follow up to a film that's almost thirty years old and no one remembers, Tron: Legacy delivers as an awesome popcorn flick. There's no deep meaning (unless you're really gullible), but it's an entertaining two hours that won't disappoint a soul. It may not be a classic, but it's effects will allow it to be a stepping stone to the future just like the original film.

Machete (2010) ***1/2

2011-01-08T19:58:00.000-08:00

Based on the awesome trailer during the Grindhouse double feature (rumor has it that Thanksgiving and Werewolf Women of the S.S. could be showing up on screens soon) Machete follows our title character (Danny Trejo) as a left for dead Federale that ends up a day laborer in Texas. When a man in a Mercedes (Jeff Fahey) shows up and offers Machete $150,000 to kill a Texas state senator (Robert DeNiro) out hero decides to take the deal, to a point, but a screw job leads to an over the top comic book orgy of violence that explodes on the screen.

Machete isn't much on story. It's your basic stock story of revenge, and implausible espionage, and hot ladies that Machete scores with over and over again. Remember, the roots are in Grindhouse films and this gives us a better representation than Robert Rodriguez's Planet Terror, the film that hosted the germ that became Machete. Most of the cast hams up their roles, which is OK because this is a roast pig dinner of a film. It's a movie that's larger than life, but you can enjoy it without it going into corniness. It's a good group film because you will be yelling "Holy shit! That's a (fill in blank with instrument of destruction or body part)." Machete is as basic a movie as they come and is great because of it.

Giallo (2009) *

2010-11-26T19:15:00.000-08:00

Giallo has to be one of the dumbest thrillers I've witnessed in a long time. It's a meandering piece of drivel filled with the typical cliches and twists that have filled the genre for the last fifty years, culminating in a climax that is not fulfilling and brings the film screeching to a halt you'll glad to achieve after the 90 minutes of claptrap. The film is about an ugly yellow killer, killing models while being pursued by a cop from New York (Adrian Brody). Add in some gore and a crappy script and you get the idea. I can't say much more about it other than it sucks. Cheers.

The Fog (1980) ***1/2

2010-10-22T18:20:00.000-07:00

Antonio Bay is your typical water front town with all of its rich, vibrant history and colorful characters. The town is getting ready to celebrate it's 100th anniversary. Little does anyone know is that the towns founding was built on broken promises and murder. Tonight is the night for that revenge as a fog bank rushes into town, not causing a couple of fender benders and a terrible night for catch. This is a fog that carries those poor souls that were screwed over by the founders of Antonio Bay and boy are they upset.

The Fog is John carpenter's follow-up to Halloween and in many ways it follows the basic premise of that film in that this is a film that takes a generalized legend and builds a story around it. Halloween was basically about The Bogeyman and The Fog is about those sea legends that abound coast towns east and west. It's a simply film about a simple town populated by simple people such as the town priest (Hal Holbrook), the local DJ (Adrienne Barbeau), the town cheerleader (Janet Leigh), the town playboy (Tom Atkins), and who can forget the town drifter (Jamie Leigh Curtis).

It's a basic ghost story film that is really interesting, yet fails at times , especially as we get closer to the ending. It doesn't stand up to Halloween, but it is a film that will keep your attention as the fog rolls into Antonio Bay. It's not perfect, but The Fog is an entertaining thriller.

Happy Birthday To Me (1981) *

2010-10-21T18:53:00.000-07:00

Another entry into the early 1980's horror genre, Happy Birthday To me follows Virginia (Melissa Sue Anderson) and her group of friends who start getting killed off one by one in this lovely body count film from the people that brought you My Bloody Valentine. Poor Virginia has that age old problem of repressed memories and these images start coming to her just as her friends start dying in ways only available with latex and corn syrup.

Not as bloody as its brethren of the era, this film is more psychological than gory horror as Virginia continues to crack up time and again. And guess who her doctor is? It's Glen Ford! What the hell is he doing in this garbage? Everyone needs a check. That's what this film is- garbage. A cheap exercise in cashing in on Halloween and Friday the 13th that fails to captivate like those movies did. This movie isn't even Prom Night. It's a little long for what it's worth and there is no real pay off throughout the film. Trans Am enthusiasts will be in awe over the 1976 T/A that says Turbo in the rear spoiler, yet has a standard shaker. Yeah, I know.

Jonah Hex (2010) **

2010-10-21T18:41:00.000-07:00

Jonah Hex is almost like the little engine that could.It tries so hard to be a good movie, yet it fails to deliver. The film stars Josh Brolin as the title character, a scarred bounty hunter hired to stop his arch nemesis Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich) and his plans to bring down a reign of terror on the United States. With his trusted prostitute Lilah (Megan Fox) Jonah uses his powers of talking to the dead to stop whatever evil has in store.

Deep down I feel that this movie could have been so much better than the finished product. Obviously, the script is what fails in this film. It clocks in 81 minutes, telling us that this was a rush job. there was no care in making this movie, just throw Brolin and Malkovich at each other and let her rip. The dialogue that we get is beyond terrible. The story is so full of holes and jumpy that it just feels empty, like something is missing. Megan Fox isn't horrible in this, but she isn't great either. Be it her acting or the script, we'll leave that one up in the air.

Jonah hex does have its moments here and there, although don't be surprised if you hate it. It's far from a good movie but it is an interesting take on the western genre. Enter this at your own risk.

Shoot The Hero (2010) 1/2

2010-10-21T18:24:00.000-07:00

When Nate (Jason Mewes) and Kate (Samantha Lockwood) go into a jewelery store to buy a ring all hell breaks loose in a confusing and dull film that I can only describe as what happens when morons try to make Pulp Fiction. This movie clocks in at a little over 80 minutes. 80 minutes is the length for a film to officially be considered a feature. Watching the movie you can see where they padded to push that extra fifteen seconds out to make a full length film. The bad part about it is that it feels like 180 minutes. It's a mish mash mosh of nothing that falls on its face in the first few minutes. This movie is bad. bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. With a capital B.

Another 9 1/2 Weeks (1997) 1/2

2010-10-21T18:17:00.000-07:00

I am not a fan of the original 9 1/2 Weeks, the film that made the term Skinemax an American institution of Pay TV naughtiness. It was soft core smut with a doily for a plot.

It's no surprise that its sequel is an even worse piece of garbage than the original film. This is a film where they obviously said "We can get Mickey Rourke cheap!" The film follows John (Mickey Rourke) as he obsesses over Kim Basinger's character from the first film. He goes to an art sale in Paris where he meets Lea (Angie Everhart), an associate of his true love who knows too much about him and obviously wants to get it on with Johnny. Cat and mouse ensues featuring fully clothed sex scenes. Yeah.

From a script that is thrown together crap and acting that is just above a five year old reciting lines from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory this film doesn't even deserve to be made, let alone viewed by the public. Rourke is a shell of an actor and the face to show it. if you feel like you're getting old check out Mickey in Angel Heart, then compare to this flick, then wrap it up with Iron Man 2. There is no grace in that movement. Angie Everhart can't act her way out of a paper bag. She's an eye candy actress, which is why she got the role in this clap trap. The problem is that she has to have lines and that's where the failure comes into play.

This movie is a good laugh from time to time. I left to use the bathroom and returned to a naked woman on an over sized roulette wheel getting wax poured on her. I could of checked into the explanation, but who cares. I just wanted to get it over with. Avoid this film at all costs.

Survival of the Dead (2009) ***

2010-10-20T16:29:00.000-07:00

George Romero has spent a lifetime telling us the story of the day that the dead walked the earth. The original Dead trilogy (Night of, Dawn of, and Day of) are all classic films in a genre Romero literally created. There is more to them than brainless zombies consuming what's left of humanity. They're character pieces. How will certain people react to a situation like this. These are great movies.

The last few Dead films from Romero have been lacking in the story or just the way they were made and the director has rounded out another trilogy of zombies with Survival of the Dead, a film that off shots from Diary of the Dead and represents something closer to Romero's original commentary style.

The film begins on an island where one group is exterminating anyone who has become the undead while the other segment of the small population believes that they can be trained and saved. Eventually the leader of the pro-killing group is expelled from the island . In the meantime a rogue group of military personnel are looking for a place to hole up and stumble on this old man and his party robbing people and sending them to the island, because "they hate strangers". They return to the island and begin a struggle to determine who will be the dominate group of the island itself.

The film is a very basic premise and delivers its message that seems focused on our own belief systems. It's all there in black and white and as happens in most of these films, no one wins in the end. Except possibly the zombies. The main problem with the film is that there isn't much build-up. Most movies over do it to the extreme, whereas Survival of the Dead seems to be running too fast to its conclusion. It could have been built a little slower and a little better.

Otherwise, this is a Romero film and it is still light years ahead of some of the slop coming out today. Anyone can do a zombie movie. Only George Romero can do a thought provoking film that just happens to have flesh eating dead people running around.

That Evening Sun (2009) ****

2010-10-17T10:41:00.000-07:00

Abner Meecham (Hal Holbrook) is old school. His ideas and ways of thinking are his own and progress isn't going to change that one iota. The thing about old school is that it gets put out to pasture to eventually die and rot. That's what happened to Abner, shipped off to a nursing home to wait for his heart to give out. But being the old school kind of guy that Abner is he packs his suitcase and walks back to his farm; his home. It's at home that he realizes how far out to pasture he has been dumped because his farm is really his anymore. His son has leased it to Lonzo Choat (Ray McKinnon), an individual that Abner had little use for to begin with. Choat and his family are trying to make a start with something, though it's unclear whether Lonzo has the skill and drive to get anywhere with being a farmer. It's a kind of role reversal with Lonzo taking the main house and Abner refusing to leave the old sharecropper's shack because this is his home.

What That Evening Sun boils down to is a pissing contest between Abner and Lonzo. For Abner it was enough for his son to lease the place out from under him, but to this piece of trash it was a pure betrayal. In Lonzo's eyes Abner is still the same stuck up old fool that isn't willing to give him a chance and move on. It's time for him to be somebody instead of a drunken joke of a man. These two men banter back and forth trying to find a way to push each other over the edge and claim what they believe is theirs by rights. The sad part of the whole affair is that Chaot's wife (Carrie Preston) and daughter (Mia Wasikowska) are caught in the middle, balancing a drunken husband/father and a cynical old man out back.

At the core of That Evening Sun is what is their to hope for? Are either of the sides in this pissing contest right? Does one deserve their prize over the other? Does deserve even have anything to do with it? In the end it isn't even about the farm. It's about who the competition represents. Holbrook and McKinnon play out their fierce struggle not with fists or weapons, but with words and a few actions that get close to the edge but never quite go over. They play off each other perfectly.

The film could be about a great many things. Holding onto the old traditions. Passing the torch. What it boils down to is who believes they're owed that torch more. Each player has a hand on the bat, but neither are willing to let go. This is a nice film shot in those Tennessee farmlands that I just drove through a few weeks ago, though this film captures a lot more of the spirit as compared to my view from the highway and the Stuckey's. Holbrook is the core of this film and delivers a performance that will be akin to the other aging actors that have started playing the ages in recent years. A very good film that you've probably never heard of.

The 41 Year Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall And Felt Super Bad About It (2010) 1/2

2010-10-17T10:16:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to waste a lot of time on this. It's one thing to do parodies of epics or horror movies, but this is a movie making parodies of comedies. How the hell do you satirize satire? The 41 Year Old Virgin proves you can't. Take any Judd Apatow related film from them last five years, get some bad actors, find a 9 year old to write the script and you have this fucking awful film. Thank god it was a freebie.

Dorian Gray (2009) *1/2

2010-10-17T08:44:00.000-07:00

Young Dorian Gray (Ben Barnes) has come home to take over the household he was once tortured in. He meets an artist. He meets a lord (Colin Firth).He makes a deal with the devil where his evil goes into a painting of himself and he'll live forever. He turns into Wilt Chamberlain. The end.

This is an excruciatingly dull film that goes nowhere other than Dorian's pants. It's almost an exercise in seeing how long you can stand watching this film that is steeped in jack the Ripper references but ends up going nowhere. I never read the original story but this film version is a boring two hour endeavor that eventually comes to the predicted climax. An honest to god waste of time.

The Killer Inside Me (2010) ***

2010-10-17T08:33:00.000-07:00

The Killer Inside Me is a film that when it works works great, but when it stumbles it falls flat on its face breaking its nose and glasses. I pulp noir story centered in the middle of nowhere, the film is about Deputy Lou Ford (Casey Affleck), a public servant that appears to be a by the book kind of guy, doing his duty in the small town that needs him. What people don't see is that Lou is a troubled soul with demons in his past that are finally ready to boil over into his everyday life. This all starts when he's asked to remove a local prostitute (Jessica Alba) from town because of her indiscretions with a prominent businessman's son. Lou gets involved with her. Then an idea for revenge springs up. And then the demons appear and send Lou's life and sanity spiraling out of control.
The first half of the film has all of its ducks in a row as we see Lou degenerate from local savior to psychotic killer. The story could border on parody but doesn't and leaves a grim sense to the viewer that blends very nicely with the construction of the film. It's in the second half that the film falters into a mess that culminates in an ending that is executed in such a messy and unbelievable way that it almost ruins the picture.

Highly violent and provocative The Killer Inside Me is a nice piece of small town noir that builds to a climax that never arrives. It goes from being a great sleeper film to being filed away in movies you'll forget in a month.

Fred: The Movie (2010) no stars

2010-10-08T19:25:00.000-07:00

Looking back I've realized how much time I've wasted on garbage movies that I'll never get back. I paid for a seat to see Showgirls. And Batman and Robin. I've sat through numerous blights on society that should have never been released to the unsuspecting public. I cringe thinking back on all of them. Every single one. All that background and all of those bad movies never prepared me for the bloody stool that is Fred: The Movie.

I was not familiar with the whole Fred phenomenon before sitting down to watch this masterpiece of garbage. Fred is a You Tube legend that got his own movie, further proving that Hollywood is fucked. Fred is a screaming ass that ruins a perfectly good blank screen for one hour and twenty-two minutes. That entire time is Fred screaming. There's some plot about a girl and bullies, but that's in the background of this asshole screaming all the damn time. He does not stop, even to take a breath. My head hurt so much after viewing this calamity I though I had a tumor. I thought Fred gave me a tumor, aaaaaaarrrrggghhhhhh! I was cheering for the bullies to beat the shit out of this kid and I'm not talking a school yard beating. I wanted a Joe Pesci beating with broken guns and a fucking shine box.

What really amazed me was that Nickelodeon made this movie AND this dip shit as his own show? AND they're talking sequel!?!?! What the fuck is going wrong with this world? People talk about politicians being the anti-Christ, look at this nim rod that children are worshipping on-line and on TV. This is shit. Pure and simple. I can't even give this half a star. It deserves nothing, including the time I wasted on it unwillingly.

Diary of a Nymphomaniac (2008) *

2010-10-02T14:10:00.000-07:00

Diary of a Nymphomaniac. That name just says it all, doesn't it? It's from IFC. It's a foreign film. I'm supposed to feel good about myself because I watched a foreign film, not all dirty and everything. This is art. Right?

Val (Belen Fabre) likes to screw. There's you're plot right there. No need to look deeper into the soul of this movie. This is European Skinemax. OK, you want more plot. How about very uncomfortable conversations with her grandmother about sex. "Grandma, was grandfather a good lover?". It was the worst case of the creeps I have experienced since watching The Exorcist for the first time. Need another plot point? Val decides to become a prostitute because of her need. That is the truth.

Of course all of this is presented in a nice, presentable manner that makes you feeling like you're watching this deep, heartfelt film. You are watching soft core porn. The plot is just thrown in to create some kind of story that fills in the gaps between sexual encounters. The dialogue is laughable at best, though that may be due to the translation. It's an after 11 woopee film.

While She Was Out (2008) 1/2

2010-09-20T20:37:00.000-07:00

What a piece of dog shit. This has to be the cheapest, most thrown together movie I have seen in a very long time. It's like crap sandwich week around here. If you like garbage, you're going to love this rotten movie.

Della (Kim Basinger) is a housewife. It's Christmas Eve and after her asshole husband comes home, commits some domestic violence, she goes to the mall to buy wrapping paper. The kids are in bed so either the kids go to bed at six o'clock or she lives near the only mall that stays open all night on Christmas Eve. She gets harassed by a group of thugs led by Creepy Witness Amish kid Lucas Haas, leading to them murdering a rent-a-cop before her eyes. She gets chased to the trashiest sub division under construction I have ever seen. There is just shit lying around everywhere. OSHA would have a field day in this place. She takes a red metal tool box with her and it's a fight for her life, though most of the film ends up in the woods. Blah, blah, blah.

I'm just going to list the problems with this movie. Just a list of shit I noticed while viewing it.

1) This is the most ethnically diverse gang I've ever seen. You have the Hispanic guy, the Asian guy, the Black guy, and the Amish Kid. Does Affirmative Action count for street toughs?

2) The fact that said group of thugs are more like The Three Stooges than The Warriors. There is one scene where one of them falls and rolls like a damn bowling ball into the others that follow. I shit you not. We also can't forget that wonderful scene where one of them says "Let's split up." and they all go into the same fucking house! And who can forget how the first thug bites the bullet in this thing.

3) In the woods, why does Della keep following the flashlight? Wouldn't you go the other damn way? How many times does she have to stop and eavesdrop on what's going on? She's not Rambo or MacGyver. Run the other damn direction Vicki Vale.

4) Dead cell phone battery=cheap screenplay ploy on eliminating technology that would have ended most thrillers made before 1995 end in 20 minutes.

5) Finally, I'm going to talk about the damn tool box. That red metal toolbox she feels the need to cart around with her throughout the film. Now I own two tool boxes just like Della's. I'm hear to tell you that they are the loudest fucking things on the planet, especially when someone is trying to kill you. You look at them funny and they make banging noises from the tools inside. I challenge anyone to go for a run through the woods with one of these sons of bitches and try to hide from some sadistic guys wanting your head on a pole. It can't be done.And there can't be many tools in it either because she flings it around like it's her purse.

Add in the crap acting, direction, and everything else you get a waste of 90 minutes. It's a good movie to make comments during, but other than that it's shit. Dog shit.

In Cold Blood (1967) *****

2010-09-20T20:17:00.000-07:00

Truman Capote was sent to Kansas to write an article about the senseless murder of a family in their farm house in the middle of the night. What he brought back was the timeless novel In Cold Blood, telling that story and the stories of the two young men that were going to the gallows for that crime.

I've never read the source material, but I've seen both adaptations of Capote actually researching the novel (Capote with Philip Seymour Hoffman and Infamous with Toby Jones). Both docudramas are powerful pieces in their own right, but it's this film that is a masterpiece. It stars Robert Blake as Perry and Scott Wilson as Dick. These guys have both been to prison, each of them with dreams to follow. The thing about dreams is they need working capital, like a business. So in the dead of the night they follow a prison tale of a farmer and his safe, driving to the rural Kansas home. The next morning the family is dead. No safe. No money. No dreams.

We continue to follow the pair as the haphazardly make their way to Mexico for a little bit, but they come back because those dreams are so damn good. The inevitable happens. They make the mistake and Lady Justice takes over.

Before this film there were movies that followed the antagonists point of view, but In Cold Blood makes you sympathize with these two young murderers or in the very least Perry. Here's two men that slaughtered an entire family in their own home and we feel pity for them. They're lifetime losers and this was where the road they shared was heading for a long, long time. They were ticking time bombs. They were two chemicals that mixed together and tragedy followed.

The movie is filmed as bleakly as the characters it shows us. Black and white in 1967 was very rare, but for this film it works for an added effect that would later be used by Scorsese in raging Bull and Spielberg in Schindler's List.There is no color because this life is colorless. There are no bright spots. Darkness is at the end of that tunnel, not that great light that everyone is talking about. This is a very beautiful film from director Richard Brooks.

This is one of those wonderful gems from the late 1960's that teetered between the old Hollywood and the new. This was before the ratings system, so hearing the word "bullshit" was an awe inspiring experience (this is the first Hollywood production that used it). In Cold Blood is a groundbreaking film that broke new ground and even though it didn't quite open the door for those great films of the 1970's we can say that it turned the latched and cracked it open a bit. This is one of the great films of the '60's.

Boogie Woogie (2009) *1/2

2010-09-19T10:51:00.000-07:00

I am so sick of these fucking ensemble films. It was fresh and new in the '90's. Well here's a damn news flash: the '90's were ten years ago. Let's try to do something different or at least use a different structure. Instead we get a handful of people whose stories intersect each other at various times and places. I'm not complaining about that. I'm pissed because it's used to try to make a movie better than it actually is, which is the case with Boogie Woogie. Here's the plot: Christopher Lee owns a painting called the Boogie Woogie. Everyone wants to buy it in one way or another. All of those other people screw each other, literally or otherwise. That's the extent of this picture. Screwing. Everyone comes out screwed. The characters and the audiences. I spent a dollar and forty cents on this garbage and feel shafted myself.

I'm not going to go over the cast because I just don't want to. Let's just say that they are too good to be in crap like this. It's becoming more and more common for high end Hollywood stars to do garbage by third rate studios in between big budget movies that have actually been nurtured. I'm not defending Hollywood, but let's face it.Going through reviews the low end films have been just as bad as the Hollywood product. Boogie Woogie follows in that trend. It's a movie about art that tries to be provocative, but it's not. It's just a slow, boring process where we run a title sequence, people act badly with bad dialogue and plot points, finally ending with the end credits and you can finally turn it off.

I try to avoid turning anything off. I will do myself by falling asleep, but that doesn't count. I'm talking about getting up and turning off the TV or leaving a theater. I can't do it. There's a movie sitting in my Blu ray right now that I said was a piece of shit a third of the way in, yet I'll probably finish it because I just have to know how bad this is going to be. It's like being a masochist.

Sorry for going off on a tangent. Boogie Woogie is crap. You'll need a scorecard for the infidelity. You'll need a drink when it's over. You'll wonder how much bullshit was shoveled for so many good actors to be in a piece of shit like this.

Just Wright (2010) *

2010-09-19T10:02:00.000-07:00

Just Wright is a mess of a romantic comedy where the biggest star in the NBA Scott McKnight (Common) ends up inadvertently meeting physical therapist Leslie Wright (Queen Latifah) leading to McKnight to fall in love with... Wrights God-sister Morgan (Paula Patton). They are in love and get engaged. Then it hits. Scott's knee is screwed. He's laid up and Leslie becomes his physical therapist while Morgan dumps him because she really wants to land a superstar NBA player. I don't need to continue the rest of the plot because the rest of the film is cliche central.

Just Wright tries to be more than a romantic comedy by weighing it heavily with the basketball plot. I think they figured that guys would scream "Hey! It's Marv Albert!" when he's on screen (of course I thought "Hey, there's the guy that bites hookers!") It fails unless you're a hardcore NBA fan. Otherwise it opens well enough and then falls into the standard fold of fall in love, misunderstanding, redemption. You've seen it all before and you'll see it again.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (2010) ***1/2

2010-09-19T09:53:00.000-07:00

This year has been full of those movies with hunked out dudes trying to save sacred objects and stop creatures of the gods. Percy Jackson, Clash of the Titans, and now Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, a movie that is surprisingly better than these other two AND it is adapted from a video game, which is the kiss of death in the film world.

Dastan (Jake Gyllenhaal) is an orphan who is adopted into the royal family and, as time passes, becomes a major warrior in the Persian army. He ends up being accused of murdering the king, who was the father he never had while learning the powers of a magical, time traveling dagger and the beautiful keeper of said dagger (Gemma Arterton). The goal is to redeem his name to his brothers and uncle and figuring out this royal conspiracy.

I know, I know. By hearing the plot the movie sounds like B-Grade trash, but it actually works very well on the screen. Prince of Persia doesn't fall into that typical video game adaptation cliche of looking like the video game. I'm sure there are some homage shots, but they don't glare out at you like other films (Doom) that feel the need to look like something at an arcade. Do they still have arcades other than Chuck E. Cheese?

The acting isn't bad and when you realize that Ben Kingsley is in this you're amazed out how everyone else can at least keep up. The effects are well done, yet they don't over power the film except during the end when it's almost like a hard drive exploding on the screen. It's a techno mess trying to figure out what the hell is going on. This is really the only problem with the film is the ending. It gets a bit messy.

It's a nice action/adventure piece that isn't as bloated as the other two films that I mentioned earlier. It has a simple plot, simply shot, and it works more than those films. It's a nice popcorn flick that doesn't try to be an overblown piece.

Catwoman (2004) 1/2

2010-09-19T08:38:00.000-07:00

Wow. I was stunned watching this movie. It was mesmerized. I was in awe. How in the hell can a studio make a film that is sort of a spin off to a dead franchise, yet has nothing to do with the rebooted franchise. That's the first major problem with this film. How can you do a film featuring a Batman villain without Batman? You can't. It will fail every time.

The other major problem is the film is crap. I'm talking legendary crap. From 2004 on people have said "I'm going to go take a Catwoman!" when going to the bathroom to defecate. The plot is silly as hell with Catwoman (Halle Berry) being resurrected by cats after being murdered by a poor man's Bond villain (Sharon Stone) who runs an evil cosmetics company.

Yes, I said evil cosmetics company. Shit. Pure shit.

So she's Catwoman. Revenge. The end. I have never seen such putrid garbage. Shot like a crap MTV video with seizure like qualities, there is no direction in this film. Just a bunch of cuts with crappy acting and even crappier characters. This film is such a waste of time, money, neurons, anything that went into this film was a waste. Somewhere in this world someone died in a car accident going to see Catwoman and that is the worst fucking tragedy in the world. No, there is another tragedy. Dying on the way home from seeing Catwoman.

Love Is The Drug (2006) ***

2010-09-19T08:20:00.000-07:00

Jonah (John Patrick Amedori) is like a lot of kids out there. He's one of those kids that goes to a private school because his mom works here ass off so that he can get into a good school. He's not really an outcast, he's just not there. Once the school year has ended Jonah gets the nerve to go to an end of school party and actually talk to the girl he was quietly in love with throughout his time in school, Sara (Lizzy Caplan). Sara is part of a small clique with her boyfriend Troy (Jonathon Trent), the typical high school asshole Lucas (D.J. Cotrona), and her best friend Erin (Jenny Wade) where drinking and doping like a rock star is standard practice. They slowly allow Jonah to cling to their team after they find out about his job at a pharmacy. His status grows within the group as he supplies the party supplies and gets pulled into the excess of a teenager in Los Angeles. Things come crashing to the ground when Troy overdoses and the questions over Jonah's intentions toward Sara begin to fester.

Initially the film starts as a basic kid fitting in film where Jonah uses his position to get in with the in-crowd. As the film passes it becomes something darker with characters that get creepier and creepier as the movie unfolds. It actually becomes an interesting movie, even though it does get a bit melodramatic at points. Some scenes are very good, meanwhile others are almost laughable from a dialogue standpoint. There are a few points that will leave you scratching your head, such as the what I can assume is a detective that Troy's parents hire to figure out who gave their son the drugs. This guy seems to have free reign throughout the film to stalk people and walk right into homes. For kids who are rebellious and such I would expect a big F-off to this guy, yet they cooperate more with him than with each other.

Borrowing a name from a Roxy Music tune (I'm assuming that the film makers got sued because it has been re-titled as Addicted To Her Love) the film is interesting and develops quite well, yet there's a ton of little things that just drag it down. Once it starts getting real good, there's something ridiculous that pulls you right out of it again. The way we remake stuff, this would make good fodder in about a decade. It just needs a bit of polish.

Dick Tracy (1990) **1/2

2010-09-18T16:53:00.000-07:00

Dick Tracy was an answer to Tim Burton's Batman. "We can do comic book movies, too. Hell, Tracy was older than Batman. Give the guy a chance. So Disney backed legendary playboy Warren Beatty in making Dick come to the big screen.

The film is a buffet for the eyes with some great backgrounds and set design that just jumps out and screams "look at me!". The costuming is also very good, though they did go a bit overboard with the primary colors. Then there's the wonderful make up effects. Don't forget that Al Pacino and Dustin Hoffman are in this, too. So what could be the problem?

The main issue with Dick Tracy is the title character, or we can go deeper and say it was the portrayal of said character. Beatty really doesn't give us much with the role. It's more like "Hey, I'm the guy on the poster, look at me!" The thing is that I got dulled by Dick Tracy. He really doesn't do much except get into traps and get into more traps and get into some trouble to boot. That was ok in the serial world, but as a full length movie it falls flat quick. If your title character sucks, then there isn't much hope for the movie as a whole.

It is a good film for the kiddies to see, unless you're offended by the almost spanking scene. Like I said, it's a colorful piece that is an achievement on that front. It's almost the mirror image of that 1989 Batman movie. This is colorful while that film is dark and gray, but the characters in Batman are actually interesting, whereas in Dick Tracy they're just there. And this must be the film where Pacino began yelling all the time, too.

The Burning Plain (2008) ***1/2

2010-09-18T16:40:00.000-07:00

The Burning Plain opens with a trailer in the middle of the desert that is engulfed in flame. It just sits there, an inferno with a background that John Ford would be proud of. We come to find out that there were two people in the blaze: Gina (Kim Basinger) and Nick (Joaquim de Almeida). They were in the throws of passion when the propane tank exploded. The two were married. But not to each other. Out of the ashes Nick's son (J.D. Pardo) and Gina's daughter (Jennifer Lawrence) develop a romance after satisfying the curiosity of what each lover was like. As time passes we're introduced to Sophie (Charlize Theron), a restaurant manager whose life has turned into a series of meaningless sex acts and self mutilation.

The funny thing about The Burning Plain is how it surprises you. You expect the main focus to be Basinger's relationship or Theron's loss of life, but at the central core of the film isn't a couple playing in the desert, put how their children help each other cope and eventually create what was destroyed in that trailer in the desert. That's the most interesting story. Through all the odds and animosity they hold it together.

Even though it's not a perfect film, it does hold ones interest with a story that spans time and how it will catch up with you . It is more tragedy than romance, so don't go into this expecting Nicholas Sparks garbage. This is actually well written and acted with a sense for detail. A nice film.

Powder Blue (2009) **

2010-09-18T14:07:00.000-07:00

Powder Blue is one of those films that takes a group of separate people, tell their story, and then tie it all together in the end. It all started with Magnolia and in the last decade plus everyone wants to do it. The thing about Powder Blue is that it tries to be one of those films, but the structure is haphazard at best. The core character in the film is Rose Johnny (Jessica Biel), your typical stripper with a drug problem who also happens to have a dying son in the hospital. Next we have Jack (Ray Liotta), a guy that just go out of the clink, picks up a briefcase full of bills, and goes out to right the wrongs that have happened in his life. Attach to that Qwerty (Eddie Redmayne) the son of a dead mortician who is drowning in bills. Finally we get to Charlie (Forrest Whittaker) who is driving around seedy areas of town carrying fifty grand for the one person that will shoot him in the heart.

It's a fine cast. That's not really the problem. It's just that we've seen it all before. The stripper trying to save her kid. The father that regrets a life of not being there. The main core of the film is standard film fodder, leaving the morticians story, which isn't much of a story at all other than finally serving its purpose in the third act of the film. This brings us to Charlie's saga that is pasted to the rest of the film near the beginning and then refusing to intersect again. It's an interesting story, but what it has to do with the rest of the film is a mystery to me. It would have made a fine separate film instead of being an added attraction to the club standard that the rest of the film appears to be.

This is a basic, paint by numbers film that doesn't really do anything above and beyond the norm. There is a very creepy Patrick Swayze in this that blows the mind in his filth and vulgarity that could interest some. Otherwise this is a film that tries to be more than what it is and fails at it.

Across The Hall (2009) *

2010-09-14T17:22:00.000-07:00

Shall I be honest with you? I think I will. There's a plot twist in the middle of the movie. The thing about this plot twist is that I guessed said plot twist reading the back cover of the DVD. This is a better move than my Matchstick Men trailer prediction. So be warned for some predictability.

Across the Hall follows the adventures of Terry (Danny Pino) as he sits in a hotel room across the hall from his fiance June (Brittany Murphy) who is engaging in carnal knowledge behind his back. Julian is hung up on this girl to the point that he steals his friend Julian (Mike Vogel) gun and plans on using it on the happy couple. It's up to Terry to keep Julian calm over the phone until he can arrive and help defuse the situation.

This was originally a short film expanded into a full length feature. I haven't seen the short but it probably works better than this mess. I'm willing to bet that you can guess the twist from my synopsis above. That's fine. I tried.

This is low budget suspense at its finest, meaning it sucks. Horrible acting and characters doing stupid things all around. Let's be honest- if a guy comes into your hotel and demands the room across the hall from the woman that he was checking the ledger for you should just take his money and then call the cops because they're just going to show up anyway. It's used as a plot device later in the film (poorly) so let's not spoil it. I could say that the acting is horrendous, but I can't tell if it's the actors or the script. This is expanded garbage that tries to be inventive but outsmarts itself by not remembering that audiences are looking for that twist. This isn't 1980 anymore. It's a new millennium, act like it. If you like to play an easy guessing game then this is the film for you.

St. Trinians (2007) **1/2

2010-09-14T17:06:00.000-07:00

St. Trinians is a private school for girls. Bad girls. Very bad girls led by their very bad head mistress (Rupert Everett). They make their own vodka, place bets, cheat, steal, and not quite kill. It's the last resort when your daughter's been tossed from every other boarding school in Britain.

Of course the usual things happen in a movie like this. A new girl (Tallulah Riley) shows up and isn't accepted, then accepted by her classmates. There's a dilemma in which the school's going to be closed unless they pull off a master plan. Hilarity ensues. Typical plot for a story such as this. It is a little comical with all of the Colin Firth references, considering he's in the movie as a minister of education.

The film also features Russell Brand and Stephen Fry, but since this is a PG-13 film Brand can't rock out with his junk out as with Sarah Marshall and Get Him To The Greek and Fry's character is basic fodder for a game show sequence.

One thing I will say for St. Trinians is that everyone appears to have had fun making the film and it shows on the screen. That helps it a bit, but it still can't dig itself out of the fact that we've since this before countless times. St. Trinians is a nice film for pre-teens and is mildly enjoyable for adults, but it's nothing special.

The City Of Your Final Destination (2009) **

2010-09-14T16:53:00.000-07:00

The City Of Your Final Destination is a flat, dull film that spends its entire running time sitting in neutral, refusing to go anywhere at all. Omar (Omar Metwally) wants to write an autobiography of a famed one hit wonder writer, but needs the authorization of the dead writers wife (Laura Linney), brother (Anthony Hopkins), and mistress (Charlotte Gainsbourgh). They send him a letter and refuse. Now this should be then end of the movie because you then write the unauthorized biography like Kittey Kelly. Omar's a nice guy and decides to travel to Latin America from Kansas and plead his case. The wife is quite cold, the brother is on his side, and the mistress falls in love. Conflict ensues. Oh, did I mention Omar already had a girlfriend (Alexandra Maria Lara).

There are two problems with this film. The first is that the script drags like the muffler of a 1983 Chevette. It just sits there like a great gob of slime, jiggling all over but not going anywhere. There are some nice scenes and some really bad ones. The premise of the film is inane in the facts that it wouldn't matter of he had their permission anyway. It's not like they offer up much help in the first place, other than showing him the gondola in the boathouse. And what about that title which has nothing to do with the film, unless you can tack it onto two of the supporting characters. I don't know if The Gondola was already taken or not, other than being a nice sandwich at Avanti's in Bloomington (shameless product placement). It's a weak story that tries to be an epic. An epic what? It's not quite a coming of age story and it's not quite a romance. It's just a movie. A boring one.

The second problem is in the acting. If you're going to cast Laura Linney and Anthony Hopkins in a movie please get a cast that can at least keep up with them. Some of these scenes are an embarrassment for the actors that have to share screen time with either of the two. Linney's character is rather cold so we don't miss her as much when she's off screen, put Hopkins' portrayal leaves us missing him when he's not there and we're left with the hacks. It's very painful to watch.

So other than a couple of decent performances in this film it's an overall waste of time. It's not the worst film I've seen in awhile, but it's not even close to being one of the best either. Weighing it totally, this film is a boring, forgettable piece that will probably be a minor asterisk in the careers of a couple of good actors and the peak for a couple of bad ones.

Solitary Man (2010) ****

2010-09-14T14:38:00.000-07:00

Solitary Man opens with Ben Kalman (Michael Douglas) at his peak. Life is good and it's only going to get better for the BMW dealer of the greater New York area. He's at the doctor, bragging about his wife (Susan Sarandon) when he finds out that he needs some tests. There's some concern about his health.

We jump to six years later. Ben is divorced. His dealerships are all gone, lost in a scheme that almost sent him to jail. He's reduced to borrowing money from his daughter and playing gigolo to rich divorced women for their connections. When his current flame (Mary-Louise Parker) gets ill, Ben is recruited to accompany her daughter Allyson (Imogen Poots) to a college interview at a school that just happens to have a library named for him. If things couldn't get any worse for Ben, it's this trip to his old school that really tests the way his life has turned out and the direction he is going.

Solitary Man is the story of one mans mid life crisis. There seems to be a point in everyones life where they decide to say "Fuck it" and do what they want to do or, in some case, what they think they want to do. It's the life is too short attitude for Ben. The only problem is that his choices have been crap, even though he appears to be living the dream with a good line of bullshit to boot. The question that Ben never asks himself throughout the film is "was it worth it?". Did going to the extreme benefit his life in any way? Was the grass really greener? Ben may be surrounded by people and have a good line of BS, but he's really all by himself. His crisis has created a shell that nobody gets through. Michael Douglas is perfect in this role and the entire film is a great piece of film making that I feared that was a little over burdened by its cast and subject matter. My worries were unfounded with this good film. It's one of the better things to see in 2010.

Helen (2009) ***

2010-09-14T14:22:00.000-07:00

Helen (Ashley Judd) is an accomplished music professor. She has a wonderful daughter (Alexia Fast). She has a great marriage to her lawyer husband (Goran Visnjic). Even with all of these things going for Helen, she feels like her life is spinning out of control. At first it's a chore to get out of bed. That soon turns to it becoming a chore to be alive at all. As Helen crumbles so does her life. She loses her wonderful job. Her ex-husband refuses her a chance to see her daughter. The relationship with her husband crumbles. She is in a perpetual spiral with no way to hit the brakes, allowing everything to go down the drain. The only thing that seems to help is a former student (Lauren Lee Smith) who knows what Helen is going through. She helps her get through the bad times unlike anyone else in her life.

The film is a very poignant piece displaying the way depression can literally eat away someones life like a cancer. The film is a bleak excursion so don't expect anything light hearted. There is no comic relief in this film. Ashley Judd delivers a high caliber performance as the title character and gets wrapped into the gray cocoon that is Helen's life. She pulls off a very good performance that many people have overlooked because this film didn't get to much exposure upon its release.

Now while I thought the film was well acted, the story comes up short in many departments. Once again i have to go to predictability and cliched. What was a fresh piece that really hasn't been touched before is tarnished by many of those old age Hollywood throw ins that we can see coming a mile away, particularly the ending. There's also the treatment that Helen gets as she declines into the abyss. This is a woman who is clinically depressed and ready to end it all at any moment, yet throughout the film you never see her talk to a psychiatrist once. There's a woman in a lab coat that comes off more like a bitch than a therapist. Amazingly the only treatment they really push is shock therapy. We know that did R.P. McMurphy good. I would have been happy with a scene where Helen tells a therapist to go to hell instead of leaving that part of treatment out all together. For me that was a big point where the film stumbles on itself.

As a whole Helen is a middle of the road film. There's some great things about it and some failures, too. It's not a fun experience for sure and it does deliver an emotional punch.

Cabin Fever (2002) 1/2

2010-09-04T17:57:00.000-07:00

I'm still trying to figure out Cabin Fever. Was it a horror film or a comedy? Someone explain this to me. The film has some great horror visuals, yet doesn't take itself seriously at all to the point that it seems like a parody film within itself leading to a dreadful experience that is more camp than horror.

Going through the movie you get a ton of homages to previous horror films. By a ton I mean a shitload. These winks into the past are OK occasionally, but when you stockpile them one like sale toilet paper it also gives the feel of a parody film. The plot is that five friends go into the woods to a cabin (Evil Dead). They stop by a rustic convenience store with odd owners (Texas Chainsaw Massacre). They encounter an odd child sitting in a swing (Deliverance) and eventually wind up fighting off a flesh easting something that slowly eats their skin away (insert any Romero film title here).

Of course this is done very tongue in cheek. Or is it. It's hard to tell because some scenes are very good from a horror genre standpoint, but others are so campy it's like something from an Ed Wood film. If Ed Wood was alive today he would have made Cabin Fever. The characters are all stereotypical horror film stock, even the local yokels who are low rent Deliverance rejects. There are a few interesting plot twists that you don't see coming, but those are drowned out by scenes like the "Pancakes!" scene that is probably the stupidest scene I have seen in a film in a very long time. It's so out of place it looks like an out take. The main problem with the film is that it's full of these scenes. Just when you're getting into the movie for what it should be you get hit from some insanely idiotic scene that ruins it. Pancakes is the epitome of those scenes.

There are parts of Cabin Fever that I really enjoyed. I really did. The thing is that the stupid portions of the film overshadow what was actually good about it. I don't know if the filmmakers were afraid they would be called an Evil Dead rip off if they didn't do something different. I hate to sound like a fuddy duddy but different isn't always better. I was contemplating give this zero stars, but it still had those glimmers during the film and I feel generous. If you enjoy a nice C-grade horror film that will give you the WTF face then enjoy Cabin Fever. It may still have a bit of a pulse because of it.

Marmaduke (2010) 1/2

2010-09-04T10:26:00.000-07:00

Marmaduke follows in the in the fine traditions of comic strip films such as Garfield. Yes, it sucks. It really sucks. Drunken falls down a flight of stairs are more enjoyable than this horrible film. It's true. It's true.

The film is narrated by our title character Marmaduke (Owen Wilson). He's a big, pain in the ass dog. Wait! Owen Wilson in a movie about a big, pain in the ass dog? Never seen that one before. His family moves to California and Marmaduke hangs out at a dog park, becomes a big shot, falls, has a party, and ends up bringing everything together in the end.

Now dog movies are usually not good to begin with. Marmaduke takes the definition of bad and re creates it into something that was never intended by man or machine. I know it's a kids movie, but come on. The plot is just terrible. There is a surfing competition AND dogs playing a dancing video game. And where are all the other owners? The only people in this dog park appear to be Marmadukes owner and William H. Macy. Why did you do it William H. Macy!?!?! They have a garage filled with electronics equipment? It's seems as if they just took pieces of ideas and pasted them all together. With dung.

If you are into brainlessly staring at the screen for 88 minutes this is the film for you. Any film would be the film for you. In closing, it sucks.

Cemetery Junction (2010) ****

2010-09-04T10:13:00.000-07:00

Cemetery Junction is a coming of age tale that has this weird, slight hint of Stand By Me and another weird hint of A Clockwork Orange. Three friends (Tom Hughes, Christian Cooke, and Jack Doolan) cavort throughout a small English town raising hell and trying to get laid on a nightly basis. Each has a distinctly different personality: one is a rebel with a cause, namely rebelling against his fathers passiveness, another is obsessed with working a starting a future that has no future, and the third is the nerdy guy who can't compute around the female of the species. The thing about the three is that while each one of them is taking different paths they really don't know where they're going. They're basically identities that don't have an identity yet.

This is a well made film from Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant that while it has some funny moments isn't really a comedy. There's some movie cliches in the film, but it's executed in a fresh way by the creators and the actors in the film. The message in the film outweighs some of the typical movie moments. A very good film from across the Atlantic.

Harry Brown (2009) ****

2010-09-01T20:40:00.000-07:00

Movies are filled with people who are pushed over the edge. They've been through one hell or another and finally, through some event beyond their control they ultimately snap. The good guy ends up doing bad things and the audience loves every minute of it. It can be done well, such as with The Outlaw Josey Wales or Death Wish. It can be done poorly as in *gulp* I Spit On Your Grave. Once again, another name goes on the list of movie characters that aren't going to take anymore shit.

Harry Brown stars Michael Caine as the title character who lives in a crime infested estate in London. Crime dictates life. It is something to be avoided in the neighborhood because when it gets right in your face it's never a pretty sight. Harry has just lost his wife to illness and his best friend (David Bradley) is murdered by thugs in a pedestrian walkway. The old adage rises: never cross a man who has nothing to lose. Harry begins to pick off the perpetrators in a professional, yet sadistic matter that he learned as a Royal Marine in Ireland. Inspector Frampton (Emily Mortimer) is the on Harry's trail, yet the support she gets is nil because, let's face it, Harry's an old man.

When you look at the basic plot of Harry Brown the first thing that will pop in your head is Death Wish 3. On the surface it is basically the same plot of a guy whose friend is killed by thugs and said guy does what he does best in eliminate the scum in the tenement. When you dig deeper than the trailers and the initial presumptions of the film the differences between the two become abundantly clear. Death Wish 3 is a comic book film where Charles Bronson is a perfect shot, a perfect killing machine with over the top villains and over the top weapons. Bronson, an aging man moves like a man in his thirties (not this man, but I digress). Harry Brown is a grittier film where our protagonist is flawed. Age has caught up with him and his ailments are his weaknesses. He's not perfect, but experience has allowed him to cruise out of a situation as opposed to being perfect all the time unless it helps forward the script. The thugs are kids who act like wild west gunman and the cops are just there except for Mortimer's character who is a righteous entity throughout the film.

Michael Caine delivers a great performance. Early in the film he exhibits his pain over the two deaths he has to deal with and the contemplation over what to do next. He never planned on any of this and shows what the character would be feeling at any given moment , including the cold, calculating bastion of vengeance as the film carries on. Yes, Caine is a bit old for a film of this sort, but he pulls it off perfectly because he doesn't try to be that vengeful gun slinger on earth. Just as Clint Eastwood did in Gran Torino, Caine understands that a man of his age has to know his limitation and shows them on screen.

I have been looking forward to seeing Harry Brown ever since seeing the initial trailers months ago, but never made it to theater because a foreign film never plays around here. Hell, The Departed on played here for a week and it was an Oscar winner. Harry Brown delivers as a film without being unrealistic and too preachy. A good action piece that actually features great acting and a plot that has been used before buy told from a point of view that is fresh on the screen.

Furry Vengeance (2010) 1/2

2010-08-31T20:37:00.000-07:00

I was looking at some trivia for Furry Vengeance and noticed that Steve Carell was attached to this film at one time, but stepped away to do something else. Steve, you are one lucky bastard. You missed out on what is easily on of the worst films of the year. This is a movie so awful it deserves to be sent to either the bottom of some sea trench, never to be seen again or shot into the sun, burned in amazing flames as it draws nearer and nearer. We can forget that this ever happened and gain something to watch that would be much more enjoyable than the film itself. If they handed out statues of just Oscar's ass then this would win top prize.

The plot: a developer (Brendan Fraser) heads out to the sticks to destroy a forest and replace it with a sub division. The animals get pissed and go to war, the end. Simple plot. Something we've seen before. How can you screw this up? Oh, ladies and gentlemen, you can screw this up. You can bathe it in toilet water. You can pour gasoline on it and pray that in some small way nature will do the rest so that you don't have that responsibility hanging over your head.

So how do you screw this up? This is a kids film? How can you blow a kids film? The way you screw up a film like this is the animals are not very approachable. You never root for the animals because they appear as sadistic as they act. Think about Bugs Bunny for a minute. He does some sick things to people, heinous things that would have him locked up with Hannibal Lecter and Paris Hilton. The thing is that he gets away with it because he's Bugs Bunny. He's likable. You can root for Bugs to cause Yosemite Sam to shoot himself in the head. The animals in Furry Vengeance do not have that going for them. They almost looked diseased in a way, like they're dead inside. Hell, maybe it's bad CGI but when you lose the audiences sympathy to the animals plight you might as well be making a You Tube video. It's a failure.

I wish that I could say that at least kids will like this one, but they don't. There are more interesting things for children available, like Civil War documentaries and watching the grass clippings turn brown. I started this film with five people and I was the only one left either in the room or awake by the earth shattering climax of this film. This is a crap film that is a pure, dismal failure. Enjoy.

Group Sex (2010) 1/2

2010-08-31T20:19:00.000-07:00

Let's face it. The only redeeming thing about this film is what I can do with the title. "Hey, I'm writing a review about Group Sex!" "I saw Group Sex at the video store!" "I watched the Fonz and Tom Arnold involved in Group Sex!" Other than making cheesy sentences using the title like a 13 year old boy there is nothing really worth noting in Group Sex.

The first thing that should be a dead give away that a film is going to be crap is when you're watching the credits and see the name Tom Arnold on the screen. That belief holds true throughout this horrible film about a guy that sees a beautiful singer at a bar, stalks her to a group meeting for sex addicts. This is your typical recipe with out hero being a nice guy, his roommate who is a sex maniac, and all of the typical horned up people you would expect at a sex addicts support group, such as the fun with foods woman and while we're on the food topic, there's the chronic masterbater who uses everything from relish to white out to work his mojo. The problem is that it's not funny. There isn't one laugh in this film other than myself laughing because I saw this piece of shit for free. I feel bad for you suckers out there that actually paid to see this movie. This film is a waste of time and wear and tear on your viewing equipment. Let me just say that if this film was released on VHS I would leave it laying out in the car on a hot summer day to put it out of its misery. You can do better than this flick. Make a flip book out of a post it note pad or something. Stick people are more entertaining than this.

City Island (2009) ****

2010-08-31T20:08:00.000-07:00

The Rizzo household is full of secrets. Vince (Andy Garcia) is out "playing poker", but he's actually too embarrassed to admit that he's taking an acting class. His wife Joyce (Julianna Margulies)thinks he's having an affair and lets it drive her crazy. Vince's daughter Vivian (Dominik Garcia-Lorido) is home from school on break, not alerting her parents that she had been suspended and was saving up for her tuition by stripping. Their son Vince, Jr. (Ezra Miller) is into looking at chicks on the internet. Sounds normal? Well, he likes looking at overweight girls being fed. Add on top of all this the con Tony (Steven Strait) that Vince brings home on an early release that he feels is his duty due to something way back in his past. You know that this many secrets are going to unravel at some point.

The other star in the film is City Island itself, a small fishing village that sits between Manhattan and the Bronx.It's like Martha's Vineyard between these two great seas of humanity. You get a closed in feeling as the characters keep running into each other, almost spilling the secretes each one bears. The cast is particularly good with Andy Garcia deliver one of his best performances in years (yes, better than Pink Panther 2) playing the prison guard/struggling actor. City Island is another one of those ensemble comedies that hinges on its cast. The cast in one of these films can either make or break it and City Island scores because of its cast and a nice little story that isn't preachy, isn't too ridiculous, and can be moving at times without being a total sap fest. It's one of those little films out there that outshines the schlock Hollywood is deliver in brown paper bags every Friday.

The Expendables (2010) ***1/2

2010-08-30T18:06:00.000-07:00

Let's journey back 25 years ago. It's an era where every action movie had a (insert geographic location here) dictator was ruthlessly dictating people who couldn't defend themselves. So it came down to big, muscular good guys to swoop down there and kick the living hell out of the dictator and his cronies. What would follow is an orgy of violence and mayhem for about an hour and forty minutes the likes you had never seen before. Aah, those were the days.

Now we'll return to today and a film called The Expendables that returns to those glorious days of yesteryear in which small, forgotten countries who have become overrun with political failures and ruthless governing are once again getting their ass kicked. The main difference is that instead of one guy, as was the case in the 1980's, you have a team of bad asses. The Expendables are led by Barney Ross (played by '80's one man army Sylvester Stallone). They're mercenaries that pull off jobs for the bread, if the bread is right. The remainder of the team is filled out with an action film who's who: Jason Stratham, Jet Li, Steve Austin, the legendary Dolph Lundgdren, and who can forget the cameos by Bruce Willis and a certain governator we know from back in those days. They're main objective is to take out a third world dictator (David Zayas) and the agency man that controls this puppet (Eric Roberts). Explosions ensue.

The Expendables is not going to be up for any Oscars or Golden Globes or anything like that. It's an action piece- an old school action piece that has very little in the way of plot, yet is entertaining as hell. It's nice to get an action film in this day that doesn't involve either a gimmick or some kind of plot twist during the film. Every '80's action movie film cliche is in this movie so you won't be surprised if you have ever spent any time wading through that decade. This is a movie that doesn't make you think, it's a movie that will mesmerize you like an infant with its loud noises and numerous colors and explosions. It is an orgy of violence. I've used that term to describe A Clockwork Orange, so let me elaborate. Clockwork uses violence like a surgeon uses a scalpel, perfectly placed where needed. This film uses it like making a margarita in a blender- just hit the button and let it be.

So while it's not the greatest film out there The Expendables is a nice piece of entertainment that succeeds in what it promises to deliver. No more and no less.

The Losers (2010) ***1/2

2010-08-28T09:02:00.000-07:00

The Losers are one of those military outfits that none of those know about and members of Congress shouldn't ask about. There's the Colonel, Clay (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), the tech geek Jensen (Chris Evans), the bad ass Roque (Idris Elba), the driver Pooch (Columbus Short), and the sharpshooter Cougar (Oscar Jaenada). They're your typical, well rounded covert operations unit. The thing is that during a routine mission to take out a drug lord they end up getting burned by their CIA handler named Max (Jason Patric), who is also a psychopathic arms dealer. Thought to be dead The Losers leech onto society in Central America until Aisha (Zoe Saldana) gives them the opportunity to get even with Max and his operation.

First things first, The Losers is based on a comic book so you're going to have to suspend reality a bit when watching this movie. This isn't a built up political thriller and it doesn't need it. That would just water down what this film is, which is a hard boiled action film. This is the kind of flick that you grab some popcorn and just bask in its glow. It's not a pure orgy of violence, but it's a fun movie to watch that doesn't bore you nor preach to you until you want to bury your head in the popcorn bucket. I will give some props to Jason Patric as Max, who plays what could have been a great James Bond villain. In comparison he beats all the Bond baddies since Christopher Walken played another Max 25 years ago.

The Losers is like a great roller coaster that has no redeeming value except to entertain. it doesn't try to be more than it really is and it delivers a fast paced action film. Sure it's cliched, but sometimes that's not a bad thing when executed right.

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985) **1/2

2010-08-27T19:02:00.000-07:00

Any edge that the first two Mad Max films had was dulled to nothing in this third chapter of George Miller's apocalyptic saga of scavenging for fuel and Aussie accents. In this installment Max (Mel Gibson) ends up in Barter Town searching for his stolen camels. He ends up working for Aunty Entity (Tina Turner), the Hillary Clintonesque leader of the village. She wants Max to eliminate her competition called Master Blaster, which happens to be an old midget riding on the back of a retarded giant. They have a little tumble in Thunderdome, the Judge Judy of Barter Town and when Max gets a tad bit of humanity back and refuses to kill this defenseless big guy, he's forced into the desert tied to a mule to die. He stumbles onto a group of kids ala Lord of the Flies who want to go to Tommorrowland (I hope they get Park Hopper) and it's up to Max to save them for their trip to wherever the hell it is they want to go.

The simplicity was what let the first two films be so damn good, especially the second act. They were basic. A lone guy out on his own trying to maintain himself, yet he allows a certain moral code to prevail. With Thunderdome we get that political undertone which always kills a movie that isn't set in Washington (Phantom Menace anyone?) The idea that these kids are sitting around waiting for their great savior isn't much of a plot point and certainly has no place in a Mad Max movie. What's the formula for a Max movie? Car chase-crash-plot point-crash-crash-conundrum-repeat. They complicated the formula to mixed results. And why in the hell is Tina Turner in this?

The Back Up Plan (2010) 1/2

2010-08-27T16:30:00.000-07:00

The Back-up Plan takes every pregnancy cliche in the history of human procreation, smashes it all together, then stirs in a loving does of romantic cliches delivering a predictable, dull, poor excuse of a film that doesn't even get a guffaw, let alone a full blown laugh. Damn, that's a long sentence.

Zoe (Jennifer Lopez) is a busy, career minded gal who always finds faults with every man she meets. She wants a baby, Robert Klein does the deed artificially and BAM, we have a bun in the oven. But guess what happens on the way home from the procedure? Yep, she meets Mr. Right (Alex O'Loughlin) and they begin a relationship of disdain that soon turns into sex in a barn full of cheese. Hilarity ensues as she proceeds to eat everything, complain about her ass size, and he goes nuts. There's the obligatory break up and- well, you know the rest.

There's no sense wasting anymore time one this, the movie is crap. No one in the film can act, especially our two wonderful leads. If either of them did anything that was either A) funny or B) involving I might have been interested, but this film is just a waste of film or information depending on how it was shot. This isn't even a very good date movie, so watch out guys you may get a back fire. When the funniest scene in the film involves a four year old holding cat shit you know we're screwed.

Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981) ****1/2

2010-08-24T20:21:00.000-07:00

In my review of this films predecessor I called it an apocalyptic western that follows the course of a reluctant law man who is forced back into his profession of killing for the honor of others. You can call Mad Max the Gary Cooper of the series. The Road Warrior is the Clint Eastwood. A mysterious stranger that rolls into town for his own gain, yet winds up helping the locals against the tyranny of a menacing force. Think A Fistful of Dollars.

After a little explanation on why in the hell this guy is driving around the desert in a mid '70's Ford Falcon the film opens with a chase. This is no Smokey and the Bandit chase unless Buford T. Justice is sporting a mohawk and assless chaps. Max (Mel Gibson) disposes of his foes in his usual style and proceeds through the wasteland he wanders since the death of his family. He eventually stumbles on an oil and gas refinery that is being terrorized by a group of marauders led by a muscle bound freak in a hockey mask (this was pre-Friday the 13th Part 3 by the way). They want the "juice". The people inside want to keep it. Max devises a plan where they can move their gas while filling up his tanks. You just know that means massive crashes and extraordinary deaths. This is Mad Max we're talking about.

Grittier than the first film, The Road Warrior is a fast paced, high octane monster that comes roaring out at you from its first moments until the massive climax at the end. As I said before, the story is old and basic, but the visuals and especially the stunt work and driving move this beyond the many B westerns that used the same plot devices. Even after multiple viewings this is still an amazing film to watch just for the pure excitement of it. Perfectly executed by director George Miller, some may be turned off by the S&M wardrobe and lack of dialogue from the lead. It doesn't matter. The Road Warrior is a fire breathing monster that will keep you on the edge of your seat with a nice script, beautiful direction, and some of the greatest car chase sequences ever put to film.

Mad Max (1979) ****

2010-08-22T12:54:00.000-07:00

A few years from now anarchy will reign supreme. Oil shortages will make V-8 engines virtually non existent. The infrastructure has collapsed due to the over burdens on the system. Public works is just a pile of ruble. The price of human life is very little. Wow, it almost seems like we're on our way to roving motorcycle gangs and meat trucks.

The title character in Mad Max (Mel Gibson) doesn't represent the thin blue line. there is no line anymore. It's just a bunch of guys who do a job they are disillusioned with for a variety of reasons. One guy does it to get off on the violence, another to get the chicks. Max does it because it's a job. He's good at the job, but he's disheartened by it and the mayhem it causes. His job is to stop renegades on the road without any concern to anyones safety, including his own. That's a tall order considering that he has a wife and son at home. There's a strong urge to leave, but deep down he knows that even if he left the Main Force Patrol, there would still be a kicking and screaming animal wanting another piece of him.

Mad Max is first and foremost an action film. The stunt work and crash sequences are magnificent. If you don't understand just check out the motorcycle crash at the end of the picture when one of the riders is scraping across the pavement only to be hit in the head with another riders motorcycle. You've heard of gorilla film making, this is gorilla stunt work. These sequences alone are worth the admission/rental/download price, but there's also a story here, too. It's your basic western set ahead of our time. A law man pushed to the brink, yet pulled back into the fray by circumstances beyond his control. You know he will saddle up one more time.

Directed by George Miller, this is a well made film for being so cheaply made by quite a few first time film makers. That's probably why it's so much better than standard fare in that it pushed the envelope because it was a low budget film. Mad Max is a classic apocalyptic tale that will keep you on the edge of your seat until the final explosion.

The Last Song (2010) 1/2

2010-08-21T20:27:00.000-07:00

The Last Song is a movie that is supposed to break your achy breaky heart. Yes, I went there. Do you want to know why? It's because this movie sucks as much as that song. This is another melodramatic mess from the Nicholas Sparks cash cow that have permeated news stands and book stores throughout the world. Now I've never read the books, but if they're as bad as the films then America has gone wrong somewhere along the line.

The film revolves around Ronnie (Miley Cyrus) who is a rebellious teenager. She is sent to spend the summer with her father (Greg Kinnear) in Georgia. You know what's going to happen, she meets a guy that is not in her class, yet they still fall in love. Aaaaaaawww. But, alas, this is a Nicholas Sparks story- someone is going to die.

That's your basic plot in a nutshell. Very simple, seen before, will be seen again as long as Nicholas Sparks can still create sentences. There is one essential problem with The Last Song. One thing turns this movie from a mediocre-average romantic comedy to complete garbage. That problem is Miley Cyrus. You see, she can't act. Not at all. It's not there. Not even close. Whoever told her she could go from her pop bubble gum bullshit to drama like this is an idiot. This is the worst single performance I have seen in years. Years! I would call her acting skills on par with anyone in the original I Spit On Your Grave. That crap may work on the Disney Channel, but in real movies it's called shit. Pure shit.

Like I said, take away the Cyrus performance and you have a mediocre movie to begin with. She sends this to oblivion. There's probably a dozen young actresses out there that should have gotten this role, but they don't sell lunch boxes and movie tickets as well. Let's hope Miley's fifteen minutes ends before she soils a movie screen again.

Mad Dog and Glory (1993) ****1/2

2010-08-17T18:33:00.000-07:00

People are never happy with where they are. You can always do more, even if you think you have what you want. It's never enough when you get there. For Wayne "Mad Dog" Dobie (Robert De Niro) the thought of a good retirement and health care as a police forensic photography, but he craves to be an artist. He craves to have a girl. He craves to be a tough man, the American ideal like John Wayne. One night he stops by a convenience store and in his own way saves Frank Milo (Bill Murray) from a robber. Frank wants to re-pay Mad Dog for saving him so he gives him a girl named Glory (Uma Thurman) for a week of... whatever. It's in that week that Mad Dog takes to first steps to be the person he wants to be, the problem is that when the weeks up Frank, who happens to be a mobster, wants Glory back to work off the rest of the tab she owes him.

There's some weird casting in this. De Niro is the quiet, sky photographer while Bill Murray is the crime lord. It's different and it works. The pair play off each other in a way that is mesmerizing on screen. Bill Murray goes beyond his usual schtick and allows a peak at a dark demon that underlies his character who also spends time as a Mafia stand up comic. This film is one of Uma Thurman's greatest performances, balancing out a naive girl who has learned some street smarts since being under Franks thumb.

Frank tells Mad Dog when they meet that he had the ability to fulfill his dreams and that's basically what the film shows in a warped sort of path. Mad Dog and Glory is a great movie with some classic performances that may have been forgotten over the years. It's a lost gem of the early 1990's.

Clash of the Titans (2010) **

2010-08-17T18:10:00.000-07:00

Going back to the well, we get to see Perseus (Sam Worthington) battle not the Harryhausen creations of the original film, but the CGI goliaths of todays 3D and IMAX enriched screens. The basic story is Zeus (Liam Neeson) is tired of not being honored by humans so he enlists his brother Hades (Ralph Fiennes) to make them pray, giving Zeus power. The Kracken is coming. No, not the Pirate movie Kracken, this one is a little more bad ass. It's up to Perseus, being the son of Zeus, to find a way to stop the Kracken and save Jack Sparrow-eh-the city of Arcos.

Let's be honest. The original film wasn't that great to begin with. It was a dull experience that came out during the Spielberg/Lucas era so it looked cheesy and old even in 1981. The story wasn't much either. So what's the big difference almost thirty years later? The effects are better. They're actually not that bad. Otherwise the film is a cliched, dull film that proceeds with walking, fight, back at the ranch, repeat scenes like every other epic quest movie. Scratch that, this film isn't very epic. It's just a quest. It was OK entertainment, but don't expect to be wowed because you've seen it all before. Many, many times before. This is good Sunday afternoon viewing when you don't care if you fall asleep or not- you won't miss anything.

The Other Guys (2010) ***1/2

2010-08-17T17:56:00.000-07:00

There's been a ton of comparisons between The Other Guys and Cop Out. They've been pasted together in the buddy-cop-comedy genre, but that's unfair to both films. After sitting down to The Other Guys I can give you the distinct difference between both films, namely that Cop Out is a cop movie that happens to be funny while The Other Guys is a parody of those kinds of films.

To illustrate this point just take a look at the first five minutes. A duo of supercops played by perennial bad asses Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Samuel L. Jackson tear up New York City in a blaze of glory to stop a couple of hoods. These guys are playing a parody of themselves and when parody meets real life and ends tragically, the other guys step in.

The Other Guys of the title are Hoitz (Mark Wahlberg) and Gamble (Will Ferrell) are a couple of desk jockeys. Hoitz is haunted by a shooting that he or the city of New York can't quite get over. Gamble is Mr. Safe, sitting at his desk and doing everyone elses paper work. As the film progresses Hoitz's anger and Gamble's paranoia build into an uneasy partnership in which they leave their office and pursue a crime that keeps getting bigger and bigger with every clue they uncover. Yeah, the plot's a little typical.

The Other Guys is a decent late summer comedy. There are some of those Ferrell guffaws but Wahlberg is able to play along and gets some good lines in himself, outshining Ferrell in some respects. What helps The Other Guys is the supporting cast, particularly Michael keaton as their captain and Steve Coogan as the money man/key to the whole thing. They help out when the interplay between the two leads starts to get a bit stale. It's a pretty good comic romp all around. Don't expect much more than that and you'll be satisfied.

Date Night (2001) ****

2010-08-16T16:37:00.000-07:00

Date Night celebrates one of those time honored traditions of any marriage, the one night of the week where the kids get ditched and mom and dad go out on the town which usually includes dinner at a chain restaurant, a crappy movie, and possibly a trip to Wal Mart in the wee hours of the morning. Phil and Claire Foster (Steve Carell and Tina Fey) are one of these couples in a marriage that has become the "P" word- predictable. Seeing their friends slipping into divorce they worry that the same fate awaits them. There has to be more of a spark than going to the Sizzler. So they leave the suburban droll and go into the city for this particular Date Night. They go to the stereotypical trendy restaurant without a reservation and stereotypically, they are brushed off by the creep at the front door. So they do something that suburbanites shouldn't do because it's bad- they take the reservation of a couple that have no showed. The Fosters are now the Tripplehorns. Time to eat.

Of course their night isn't going to go as easy as that. No, no, no. The Tripplehorn's have been blackmailing a big crime lord (Ray Liotta). Crime bosses don't like to be blackmailed so his two henchmen (Common and Jimmi Simpson) arrive to encourage the "Tripplehorn's" to either pony up the goods or drop dead. And tonight playing the Tripplehorns is Phil and Claire Foster.

With a title like Date Night the first thing that pops into your mind is romantic comedy. Date Night really isn't a rom-com. It's a witty film that has great moments and isn't too sappy or too raunchy. It balances a middle ground that isn't seen to much anymore- a simple comedy where people get into extraordinary circumstances and the comical path they take to resolution without resorting to an overload of drama or an overload of poop jokes. The stars have great chemistry and Mark Wahlberg turns an entire film into a MacConaughey scene and creating a running joke throughout the film about being topless. Date Night is an overall crowd pleaser.

After.Life (2009) ***

2010-08-13T21:03:00.000-07:00

After.Life is one long, look at what is presumably a woman's last days of physical being on this earth. Anna (Christina Ricci) has a life that's in a bit of a rut, popping pills and wondering where her life is landing. Her relationship with her almost fiance Paul (Justin Long) has cooled significantly in her eyes and every little thing between them turns into some kind of fight to further tear them apart.

Then one night she dies.

It's the end of the line. It's all over, folks. The fat lady has sung fer last note and it's time to fade to black.

But it's not over yet.

The local undertaker Eliot (Liam Neeson, working on his overexposure of the year award) has brought Anna to his business for the final trip from the wreck, to the slab, to the hole in the ground. Eliot has a "gift" in which he can talk to the dead, helping them on their move to the other world, the big game of beach blanket bingo in the sky. Anna doesn't believe it. Eliot gets disgusted and complains about how these people are always expecting more from their lives and not believing it was their time to go. There is a conflict between Anna and Eliot in which he convinces her it's time while she fights it. Outside the cold room Paul can't accept it, creating what could be a delusion that she's a prisoner in Eliot's funeral home. This, essentially, is what the entire film hinges on- is she or isn't she.

In an earlier review of The Shining (1980) I suggested the idea that Kubrick's film isn't a ghost story, but more of a symptom of mental illness and the break down of members of a family locked up in a hotel together for a long period of time. Kubrick did a great job at leaving the film as ambiguous as possible and when you really think about it you have different roads to take when looking at The Shining. Was it full of ghosts? Was it simply a mental breakdown? Was it just bad karma? It's left up to you. After.Life takes the same sort of route in that the main question is whether Anna is actually dead or is this a sick game of Eliot's. Did he do a good job at bullshitting her or is she just bullshitting herself? As with everything else in life, it's all in your interpretation. You can be easily led both ways and it's not my job to tell you which path to follow. You must do that yourself grasshopper.

Overall the film isn't the greatest thing since sliced bread. There are a lot of things that really drag it down, from assaulting junior high students to an ending that seems a little to easy if you ask me. I'm all for answering my questions as soon as possible, not leaving them to stew for and hour but that's just me. Basically it's a pot boiler film that is average. It's a nice change of pace with a great plot, but it just doesn't click creating a film that gets you excited to see it based on the story and then renders itself totally forgettable after viewing. There is no after life for this one. You'll see it, enjoy some of the psychological aspects of the film, then move on to other movies that have a great story and a soul to back them up.

The Ghost Writer (2010) ****

2010-08-12T20:27:00.000-07:00

Ghost writers are almost like the CIA of the publishing industry. They are sent in to do the covert job of making a person interesting enough to sell books. Sure, you can sit down and set some words to paper but what sells and what doesn't? What stuff stays and what stuff needs flushed down the toilet? Richard Nixon had a team of ghost writers helping him sort is career into 800 pages of memoirs. I'm sure somewhere in Texas George W. Bush has the same kind of team combing through every scrap of paper that's been in his hands for the last twenty years or more. Of course their names won't be on the cover when the books is sitting at Wal Mart next to some vampire burlesque novel.

In The Ghost Writer Ewan MacGregor plays a ghost writer. His job is to replace the ghost of former Prime Minister Adam Lang (Pierce Brosnan). This is a last minute replacement as the original writer's body washed up on the beach close to the compound where Lang is secluded in putting together his story. Lang is still a central character in political life as he is being investigated for war crimes by the Hague and in all of this confusion The Ghost begins to find information pointed toward Lang's involvement with foreign governments and the possibility that the original ghost was murdered for digging into such graveyards.

The Ghost Writer is essentially built on the career of Tony Blair and his involvement in the war on terror. That is a central fact and shouts at you during the film. This is the situation that The Ghost find himself in, leading to a very contemporary piece. The Ghost is simply listed as The Ghost in the credits, leading to that Mr. Incognito persona of what his job is- basically a cleaner for a dull and pretentious writer. The film is one of those layered films, which is what all good political thrillers need to be. Each piece should lead to the next piece, like the short bread in Grimm's Fairy Tales. Eventually each piece will take you to grandmother's house or the home of a witch with intent to cook your behind. The apprehension that our title character feels grows within the audience as well. He's on a path to burn, we all know that. It's just seeing how quick the tables will turn and whether or not he can kick that old bitch in the fire that keeps us tuned in.

MacGregor and Brosnan have a nice presence together on screen with a give and take attitude that keeps the story flowing. Of course the thing about The Ghost Writer is its supporting cast with Olivia Williams as Lang's wife, Kim Cattrall as Lang's assistant, Tom Wilkinson as the professor of immense interest, Jim Belushi as the publishing guru, and the legendary Eli Wallach as an island resident filling The Ghost in on the tides. What Brosnan and MacGregor have is grounded in these supporting roles.

Directed by Roman Polanski (who edited it in jail), this isn't Chinatown, but it is a taut political thriller that will keep you guessing up until the last few pages of the script. It's not really a look into the heart of evil, but more like a glimpse into the underbelly of a lot of things: writing, politics, marriage, etc. It's a very good film that isn't as complicated as it could have been, yet isn't dumbed down for our benefit either.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid (2010) **1/2

2010-08-09T22:17:00.000-07:00

Diary of a Wimpy Kid is just another in a long line of kids films that are full of gross out humor, an underlying message, and a kid that is so totally clueless he walks right into his problems. Greg (Zachary Gordon) is entering middle school thinking that he will be the most popular kid there. His best friend Rowley (Robert Capron) is beyond nerdy and Greg fears what the future may hold for his buddy. Of course Greg soon learns that he's dropping on the charts as his first year in middle school becomes a pre-pubescent hell. The remainder of the film is filled with basic cliches such as the best friends not being friendly, countless embarrassment, and finally reconciliation.

While Diary isn't a horrible film, it's not a great one either. It's acted well enough and the story is a little interesting, it just seems a little bogged down in that we've seen it all before. For you readers of the book, we've apparently read it all before, too. It's an OK film, but will it hold up in five years? Probably not. It's an average film that got lucky with a good title. Nothing more and nothing less.

The Runaways (2010) ***1/2

2010-08-09T21:52:00.000-07:00

The Runaways tells the age old tale of rock n' roll decadence. The story is all the same and sadly it's true. Joan Jett (Kristen Stewart) is struggling to get a band together. Rock n' roll stories always begin with struggle. The dream develops into a band when the final piece, singer Cherie Currie (Dakota Fanning) joins the band. Enter Kim Fowley (Michael Shannon), a glam rock version of Colonel Tom Parker, pimping out his girl rock band to the world and reaping the benefits. They make it big. Then they collapse. Rock is full of stories like these and The Runaways follows yet another band that dug itself out of the pit of obscurity to stardom only to implode on itself.

As I said with the film Remember Me, it is becoming obvious that the actors in the Twilight films aren't being given much to work with. Kirsten Stewart delivers what is probably her best role to date as Joan Jett, light years away from the vampire garbage she'll be typecast for in later years. The cool thing about The Runaways is that it feels like your looking at pictures from the 1970's as the film progresses. The scenes are lit so that they have that dinginess; that, dare I say, malaise that made the '70's a garbage heap at times. Director Floria Sigismondi delivers a time capsule for us to marvel at, when jail bait was an openly accepted treat and girls weren't supposed to be rockers, they were supposed to screw the rockers. This film is in no way a masterpiece, but it's riveting and delivers yet another story from the rock n' roll graveyard.

Kick Ass (2010) ****

2010-08-09T21:35:00.000-07:00

Our title character asks a question near the beginning of Kick Ass. He asks himself why no one has ever tried to throw on a spandex suit and be a superhero. You know, just throw on some bright colors and a mask and go out an beat on some bad guys. After years of reading comic books and being on the low end of the totem pole Dave (Aaron Johnson) decides to fight back, becoming a super hero called Kick Ass. The thing is that this isn't a comic book. There are no radioactive spiders or dead billionaire parents to spur Kick Ass on. There's just an insane idea and since this isn't a comic book and Dave isn't some trained fighting machine his first trip out in uniform doesn't go so well. He actually ends up getting the shit beaten out of himself, but as most real life losers go in the movies Dave literally stumbles into comic book popularity, meeting "real life" super heroes Hit Girl (Chloe Moretz) and Big Daddy (Nicholas Cage). The thing you have to remember is that what is a superhero without villains.

At the core of Kick Ass is the idea of playing comic book mythos into a situation that is as realistic as possible. Is this the way something like this would go down? Probably. Idiots become idols on You Tube by doing something stupid or pulling a Homer. Sure, you've got to stretch the imagination just a tad, but it would work. You could call this movie a puberty laced version of The Dark Knight where our hero isn't in it because of a moral code but for a girl. Going a bit further you could classify Kick Ass as John Hughes taking a crack at a comic book movie. It may be a bit raunchy, but it has his prints all over it. It's always about a girl or a boy. This is what teens care about and if they learn something along the way that's just a bonus.

Of course Kick Ass is not a kid friendly film, so don;t be stupid when you rent it for your youngsters and get pissed off. That letter is on there for a reason. This is a late teen/adult oriented film that delivers a different spin to a genre that has become well worn over the years.

Dinner For Schmucks (2010) ***

2010-08-08T13:25:00.000-07:00

Tim (Paul Rudd) is at the point in his career where he's clawing for every opportunity to advance from his sixth floor dungeon to the shangri-la that is the seventh floor. He wants that recently vacated office on the corner. He wants to be able to afford his Porsche. He's kissed ass and stumbled his way to the door leading to the promised land and has only one more obstacle before him: a dinner. That's it, a simple dinner. Bring a guest, too. Make sure they're "exceptional"... so that the boys club can get a good laugh at them.

The thing about Tim is that he's in love with Julie (Stephanie Szostak). He wants to get married, she's not ready. So it goes. It's Julie that initially thinks the idea is sick, twisted, and down right nasty. Tim agrees, but you have to wonder if it's because he doesn't know anyone "exceptional" more than the creepiness of it all. Enter Barry (Steve Carell). Tim literally runs into him one day and as they converse Tim realizes that Barry is very "exceptional" in that he stages life scenes with dead mice. Jackpot. The problem is that Barry is so exceptional he begins to ruin Tim's life in one night. Barry is literally a Pandora's Box for Tim.

When you go into Dinner for Schmucks realize that this isn't Clue and the entire film isn't the dinner party. It's more of a lead up to the dinner with Tim being driven quietly toward madness by Barry's "exceptionalbility". Sadly, the ride to the dinner is more entertaining than the dinner itself. You expect a pay off in the end, but it just stalls out. Just think of the last twenty minutes as an epilogue to the rest of the movie.

The plot is the same formula that you've seen many times removed. Basically it's an age old story that gets retold every few years as hot Hollywood stars climb up the ladder and push old ones off. Think of this as a changing of the guard film. It's still funny and has it moments, but other parts of the film try way to hard and it shows. This dinner is reasonably good, but isn't quite as filling as it could have been otherwise. This is a middle of the road summer comedy.

Operation: Endgame (2010) 1/2

2010-07-29T21:14:00.000-07:00

Operation Endgame sucks. I just want to get that out of the way. This film was supposed to be a sort of action parody of spy films, but it's just a horrible 80 minute mess that isn't funny, isn't interesting, and winds up being someone's pathetic excuse for a film. I could go over the plot, but why waste the time or energy in getting into it. What saddens me is that this film had the potential to at the very least be an average pot boiler comedy for actors to do before they did some real film work. What Operation: Endgame represents is a blight on their permanent records. This film is a god damn travesty that I wouldn't wish on anyone. You will be dumb struck by the sheer shitiness of the proceedings that unfold before you as you wonder "why the fuck was this movie made?" Why?

Poltergeist (1982) ****1/2

2010-07-29T21:02:00.000-07:00

Poltergeist opens on a Sunday in your run of the mill suburb in California. It's one of those sub divisions where the houses all look alike and the neighborhood flows from one day into the next. We finally stop at the Freeling house with the typical '80's nuclear family: Steven (Craig T. Nelson) is the patriarch, driving the station wagon to and fro to bring home the bacon,his wife Diane (JoBeth Williams), trying to run a household with their three kids, teenage Dana (Dominique Dunne), Robbie (Oliver Robins), and Carol Anne (Heather O'Rourke). This is suburbia at its finest.

But Steven Spielberg and Tobe Hooper aren't going to leave it that way. You see, weird things are going on. First Carol Anne talks with the television in the middle of the night. Should it be strange? Kids sleepwalk. Hell, I once hovered over my cousin in the dead of the night for no reason other than I didn't know I was doing it at the time. Next the chairs start to move by themselves, prompting more excitement than terror over this unique gift. It's a parlor trick, tried and true. The thing is that things deteriorate quickly to the point that an old tree outside tries to eat Robbie in a ruse for whatever spirit has infected this house to take Carol Anne to another dimension and use her has their guide into the "light". The remainder of the film revolves around bringing Carol Anne back to the cul de sac.

The question is does Poltergeist classify as a horror film. Or is it a thriller? Or is it social commentary? Maybe it's a hybrid of all those things. Maybe it isn't. The great thing about Poltergeist is that it uses a formula similar to Night of the Living Dead fifteen years before it. It takes the most typical and comfortable situation, this time being the families own home, and sends it plummeting into hell. The supermarket groceries and Star Wars toys are all set dressing as the family is dragged from suburban bliss to pure terror. Poltergeist achieves this desired effect. Your comfort zone is shattered. There is no safe place to go anymore. Hell has entered the front door and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

Night Moves (1975) ****

2010-07-25T14:42:00.000-07:00

Gene Hackman continued his run of following up The French Connection with Night Moves, a modern noir tale where there is more going on than what the surface shows us. Hackman plays Harry Moseby, a retired NFL player who works as a private investigator. He takes the jobs the big agencies don't want, for example an ex movie star (Janet Ward) is searching for her runaway daughter. Harry gets the job. The thing is that Harry's problems go beyond the case. His wife (Susan Clark) is fooling around on him, leaving him to his work and only his work. The case leads him to Florida where he finds teenage Delly (Melanie Griffith) and Paula (Jennifer Warren), an eccentric resident of the Keys who attracts the curiosity of Harry. It's in Florida that the case begins to go beyond a simple runaway.

Night Moves owes a debt to the old days, where the private dick was always in way over his head and love was never his strong suit. Hackman's portrayal is one of being coy to being naive. His life is a roller coaster of emotion that never gets back to the station to let on a new batch of people. This is Harry's ride until the very end and even as the credits roll you're just not sure how Harry is going to wind up- on his feet or in the ditch.

Though not as probing as Taxi Driver, Night Moves can be considered a prime example of mid-1970's film making. There's a feel about moves made between Kent State and Star Wars. The general feeling in films was that either A) No one could be a hero or B) The hero wins, but doesn't win. Aftereffects of Vietnam? Watergate? Who knows, but there is a general tone in this era that Night Moves is also stamped with, combining with the noir aspect of the pathetic detective helps this film be better than it could have been.

Cop Out (2010) ***

2010-07-25T14:24:00.000-07:00

There's that old movie cliche about "good cop-bad cop" where one partner is the nice guy, earning the trust of the suspect and being an all around nice guy. The other is an asshole. Cop Out takes that cliche and mixes it together with a bunch of other cliches to give a weird homage to 1980's cop/buddy movies.

Jimmy (Bruce Willis) is your typical cop movie first husband. What that means is that the second husband must be rich and able to do everything he can not because of his wallet. That is movie rule number one. Movie rule number two is that his partner Paul (Tracy Morgan) always wants to prove himself to Jimmy as a bad ass, but fails miserably, usually causing more harm than good. Things get bad when Jimmy and Paul are suspended, leading Jimmy to sell his fathers prized 1952 Topps baseball card to finance his daughter's wedding, meaning that his dad must have helped conceive Jimmy when said father was fourteen. In the process of getting it sold, Jimmy is robbed while Paul obsesses outside that his wife is diddling the neighbor. So the quest is on for the baseball card which just so happens ends up in the hands of the same drug dealer that Jimmy and Paul are trying to take down. Talk about a coincidence!

Directed by Kevin Smith but not written, so don't expect that witty Smith banter between actors. As I said earlier this is more a homage to 1980's films like 48 Hrs. and Fletch, going so far as bringing in Harold Faltermeyer to do the score. If you don't know who that is, Google it and you will then know why I even brought him up. Cop Out is an OK film if you go in without any real expectations. It's not horrible, but it's not earth shattering either. It's a good movie to see when you've seen everything else.

Our Family Wedding (2010) 1/2

2010-07-19T20:50:00.000-07:00

After a weekend of good films (three in a row) I was treated to this horrible mess of a film. I don't need to discuss the plot because you know the plot. There is nothing new here. It's called Meet The Fockers. Watching this film will steal a piece of your soul. Not a large piece, but enough that you will notice. The script is a mess. Every character in this film must be bipolar by the way they change attitudes toward each other on the drop of a dime. The acting is shit and the cast includes a damn Oscar winner. Forrest, do not pull a Cuba Gooding, Jr. Please, for all that is holy!

I can't write anymore. In closing, the script, direction, and acting is the equivalent to a third grade play about Transformers and Bakugan. This review almost sucks as bad as this movie. Please, don't get suckered into this one.

Unthinkable (2010) ****

2010-07-19T20:41:00.000-07:00

Let's look at the situation for a minute. You have a terrorist who has planted three nuclear bombs in three American cities. He has demands which can't be reasonably fulfilled. What do you do? Does Jack Ryan save the day? Does Superman fly in a grab the three bombs, hurling them into the sun? That's what would happen in fiction, but what happens for real? Unthinkable examines what would happen if the same scenario was posed to the United States right now.

Steven Arthur Younger (Michael Sheen) is the terrorist mentioned above. When he's captured the government is faced with two choices. The first is to allow the FBI interrogations unit headed by Agent Brody (Carrie-Anne Moss) do a traditional interrogation. The second choice is a man known simply as "H" (Samuel L. Jackson), who in a way is even more traditional than Brody in that some of his techniques go back to the Spanish Inquisition. Some could call H a sadist, others a surgeon. His is the governments ultimate tool in gaining much needed information.

The thing about Unthinkable is that it makes you think right up until the end. Some of you will question your own ethics by the end of this film. Where is the line drawn? Do we honor the rights of one person at the expense of fifteen million? At what point do the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one? When it's all said and done you wonder who was more sane- H or his government handlers. He knew his goal and how to achieve it. The film is a moral struggle that will pull the viewer into it's tug of war of conscious. A thriller that allows you to think, which is a rare commodity today.

Despicable Me (2010) ****

2010-07-19T20:19:00.000-07:00

Poor Gru (Steve Carell). He's at the bottom of his career. He's being shown up by younger villains like Vector (Jason Segel), who has just stolen one of the Pyramids of Giza. Gru is a washed up failure, but he has a job set up that will put him back on top- the theft of the moon and the last piece to his plan are three orphan girls selling cookies.

Being from the over saturated genre of computer animated films, Despicable Me is like the mirror of the standard rehash that we get every summer. It's not a dark film, but it does give off the vibe of being a distant cousin to the Addams Family. Where the comic strip was a macabre look at the nuclear family and the television show was a sort of anti-sitcom, Despicable Me is an anti-animated movie. Other than the three girls there are no heroes in this film- everyone is a villain. The main point of the film is who can be the baddest. Who can do the more dastardly deed? It's a competition of the infamous. Naturally the characters grow as the film progresses and the villainy isn't as pronounced as it was early in the film, but it still helps breath life in a stagnant genre.

This is a film for kids and there are various prat falls and humor to keep the youngsters happy, but there's stuff for the adults, too. This isn't a complete infantilefest, so don't worry about going nuts for an hour and a half. Despicable Me is a well crafted animated film that doesn't really dare to break the rules, but bends them enough to be interesting. Other than Pixar films, this is one of the best animated films I've seen in awhile.

Inception (2010) *****

2010-07-19T17:19:00.000-07:00

When you look at Christopher Nolan's filmography you can see a steady, recurring theme where the most basic set piece is the human mind. The mind is the central figure and how it is influenced by outside influences, developing into not what we want it to be, but what it has been through. It can't be trained, it has to be beaten like a piece of molten steel. You could create a sword or a shit shovel. Either way it goes through the process.

Nolan's newest film, Inception, is yet another examination of the brain, but this time the director has chosen to go deeper than ever, going into the subconscious, that Bermuda Triangle of the human mind where dreams rise and are lost forever, where connections are made that could never be achieved while we are awake. It's the place where our secrets come out to play.

The story revolves around a new brand of corporate espionage. Basically, the idea is that people can infiltrate a persons dreams and get information. Of course in this era information can be worth millions, so the stakes are high. It takes a highly trained team to pull off such a maneuver, with the dreams being literally constructed and the subjects sedated so that their world is open for business. Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio) is the leader of his team, a man haunted by past memories and dreams. His team includes Arthur (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), Eames (Tom Hardy), Ariadne (Ellen Page),and Yusef (Dileep Rao). Each has a speciality on the team, be it chemistry, psychology, or architecture. The thing about their newest assignment is that they need to do something different, something that has never been tried before. A failed extraction subject named Saito (Ken Watanabe) wants them to leave an idea for the heir of a major competitor (Cillian Murphy) to clear the monopoly that is standing in his way.

Inception is a film built on layers. As you watch the film you lose track of where reality exists and what the boundaries are to the imagination. It's an extensive work; an achievement that it has actually been accepted by the public at large. Cerebral films are hard to come by anymore with the same well worn plots and characters being recycled over and over again. Inception brings something fresh to a summer filled with big budget turds that fill cineplexes throughout the country. I will warn you that this is a film that you can't leave in the middle to get some Junior Mints or take a piss during. You will get lost. Just buy your shit and take your shit before you sit down and enjoy the wonder of another world that is just a rapid eye movement away. Inception is a masterpiece.

Play The Game (2008) *

2010-07-16T20:23:00.000-07:00

Play the Game is about two playas. The first one is David (Paul Campbell), a sleazy car salesman who is your stereotypical man whore who knows all the moves, their counters and counters to said counters. So he will get shown up by a girl before the end of the film. The second player is Andy Griffith. Yeah, Sheriff Taylor. He starts out as your stereotypical old man, but by the end is the Ron Jeremy of the old folks home. It's role reversal, see? Get it?

Let's be honest. The only audience for this film are people who are interested in seeing Andy Griffith talking about erections and having oral sex. No, it's not Thelma Lou, it's Seinfeld's mom. If you take that away this film is a badly written, acted, and directed film that is such a cliche it's putrid. But Andy Griffith dresses like P Diddy. Pure crap.

Of course the use of Clint Howard as Andy's estranged son is of some importance.

A Single Man (2009) ****

2010-07-16T20:10:00.000-07:00

Set in 1960, the year of Psycho and Kennedy, A Single Man follows the planned last day on earth for George (Colin Firth), a Londoner who teaches English at a Southern California college. We follow George through his day as he meticulously plans his own death. He has nothing left to live for. His partner Jim (Matthew Goode) was killed in a car accident, leaving a void in his life that not only can't be filled, but can't be fully expressed to anyone besides himself and his best friend Charley (Julianne Moore).

This is a very simple film. We basically follow George as he wakes up, takes, a shit, goes to work, buys bullets, lays his papers out for the poor person who finds him, and figures out where to blow his head off. As the day goes by, however, George has interactions with people. No one special, just people. An odd, almost stalker of a student, a little girl, a guy hanging out at a liquor store, and that voice of reason Charley. Director Tom Ford makes sure you realizes that George's life is bleak, but human companionship lightens up his life like a when a cloud gets past the sun and the lights come back on to scorch the grass and vinyl seats. It's a move that could be a major risk, but it works great.

This is Colin Firth's film, deservedly getting an Oscar nomination that he would have never won because this film is a little too small and there was no way to beat the Jeff Bridges juggernaut. He plays off of the cynicism that George has developed, delivering a character that doesn't believe in man or life anymore.His life has turned to shit right along with the rest of the world.

A Single Man is no tear jerker. It's goal isn't to squeeze tears from your eyes and to wrench your heart until you get that lump in your throat. It's more of a character piece with George as the front and center star, dealing with grief that he has to swallow and choke on every day since he got that phone call.

Chloe (2009) **

2010-07-16T19:47:00.000-07:00

Chloe (Amanda Seyfried) is a hooker. A busy hooker apparently. In a strange twist of fate that involves a toilet stall minus toilet paper she meets Catherine (Julianne Moore). It's just a chance meeting, but later Catherine sees Chloe and realizes that she needs her for something. You see, her husband David (Liam Neeson) has been out of town and little things have led Catherine to believe that he's been playing like Tiger Woods. So Catherine pays Chloe to tempt David. They meet and Catherine gets report. Then something strange happens- these sordid tales of dirty passion turn her on and that's not the only thing that's developing from the relationship between Chloe and Catherine.

For a film bragging a cast such as this, Chloe is a let down as a whole film. Neeson lost his wife during production of the film so his role is lessened and it shows. Moore and Seyfried are good in their roles, but as the film develops further and further and the time ticks away it becomes more and more hokey to and ending that seems to just plop there on the floor, no feeling and no real resolution other than "this is the end of the movie". It's like a jigsaw puzzle that you get all the edges done and it's going great, but then to fill in the middle- you slow down.

But Chloe will be remembered by websites that bask in bare Hollywood flesh. I'm sure somewhere in this city right now there is some guy with "the scene" on a loop as he pumps gas. Someday this film will be a punchline. It will be mentioned in a teen sex comedy and I would just like to say that you heard it here first.

Brooklyn's Finest (2009) **

2010-07-12T19:53:00.000-07:00

Three Brooklyn cops, vastly different in every way. The old patrolman (Richard Gere) who doesn't give a shit because he's put his time in and that's all he's doing now- killing time. The underpaid cop (Ethan Hawke) a Catholic with the Catholic stereotype of too many kids and not enough money or space. The cop undercover (Don Cheadle) who is getting too wrapped up in his new world and finds it hard to figure out where to lay his loyalties- his boss or his gangster buddy (Wesley Snipes). All three go through the trials and tribulations of a life as a Brooklyn cop, going down a road to nowhere.

Brooklyn's Finest is a well meaning film, but it uses numerous cop film stereotypes, becoming almost like a parody. One cop frequents a good hearted hooker. One cop wants out of undercover, but all his boss will say is that he's "working on it". One cop finds the system flawed in monetary respects. All these cliches come whizzing at you to the point of hilarity. The thing about Brooklyn's Finest is that the actors are too good to be in this. They are the reason my interest was held in the film. Otherwise this is a lukewarm film that doesn't really go anywhere because it's spinning its wheels. There's better cop films out there.

The Crazies (2010) ***1/2

2010-07-12T19:33:00.000-07:00

In 1973 George Romero released The Crazies upon the world, a maniacal tale not of crazed citizenry but a look at the tyranny of a big brother that is covering its screw up by any means necessary. Jump to almost forty years later and The Crazies takes a more cynical turn after the lies and bullshit that the government has piled upon us like kindling.

The film is about the small town of Ogden Marsh. The two past times in this town are going to see high school sports and talking about high school sports. It's at one of these sporting events that a local is gunned down by Sheriff Dutten (Timothy Olyphant) after walking into center field with a shotgun and a willingness to kill. The next day a farmer seen as ill by Dutten's wife Judy (Radha Mitchell) winds up burning his family alive in their home. Then the men in the suits arrive and all hell breaks loose. It becomes a matter of survival for the Sheriff and his wife.

There are two antagonists in The Crazies. The first is obviously the infected townspeople, obsessed like zombies only their main goal is to kill not to eat. Simple slaughter. They are lurking in the dark and behind doors and around corners like every good movie monster. They are the primitive enemy. The modern enemy are the men in the suits, a fearful government that doesn't care about the town, only containing an embarrassing blunder. Someone will have their ass handed to them over this one. This lurking beast is wired to the brink with helicopters, satellites, snipers, and all the little goodies paid for by these same tax payers that are now being led to their deaths.

Typically, this film isn't as good as Romero's original, but it reminds us of Zack Snyder's Dawn of the Dead six years earlier. The premise is the same, tweaked for a new generation. It's not particularly scary, but it does deliver thrills that are lacking in today's horror genre. In an era of remakes The Crazies stands out as a superior film that doesn't underestimate its audience by giving you what you expect (I'm looking at you Nightmare on Elm Street). It's a thrill ride in the heartland.

True Crime (1999) ***1/2

2010-07-11T19:27:00.000-07:00

A distant relative of His Girl Friday, True Crime is about a reporter (Clint Eastwood) at the bottom of his career writing for a small news paper after botching a story. That's not his only problem, though. Steve (Eastwood) is a bit of an asshole. He lives for himself and his work, stopping to think about the consequences only after the deed is done. A set of circumstances leads to Steve being assigned a human interest story abut an inmate (Isaiah Washington) sentenced to death at midnight. While doing research for the piece it comes to light that the condemned man may be put to death for a crime he did not commit.

This is a well made film that runs at a nice pace. The beginning and the middle run smoothly as Steve goes through his day. It's intriguing at how a story materializes for the reporter. Even the prison interview scene, the obvious cheese in a film like this, is actually well written and acted. The problem with the film is that the ending, though giving the audience the obvious tension, seems a little bit of a cheat and plays out a bit to cliched. Not on the part of the actual execution, but in the way the case is broken open. It soils a film that runs at a great pace through its first and second acts.

It's not a typical Eastwood masterpiece, but it is an above average film that Eastwood tends to make when taking a break from his truly great works. It's a nice little thriller if you don't expect too much in the end.

The Lodger: A Story of the London Fog (1927) *****

2010-07-11T17:44:00.000-07:00

Alfred Hitchcock considered this film his first movie, ignoring his two previous attempts at direction as he considered them not very well made. The Lodger would represent his true introduction to the film world and the genre that he would define for close to fifty years.

London is in a state of panic as a murderer is killing golden, curly haired women. There is constant agitation and an introduction to the now famed concept of media hysteria. Extra! Extra! Daisy (June) is one of those golden haired females roaming around London. She lives with her parents (Marie Ault and Arthur Chesney) who rent out a room to would be lodgers that are canvassing London. One such lodger (Ivor Novello) moves into the room, acting oddly much to the suspicion of Daisy's would be boy friend Joe (Malcolm Keen), who happens to be the detective investigating the murder case.

Being a silent film, The Lodger uses faces to convey more of the plot than dialogue. This was typical before talkies. What Hitchcock does with The Lodger goes beyond what was typical for films in the later 1920's. He creates an atmosphere that is almost a character itself. Light and shadow dictate what's playing out on screen. He opens the film with the flash of a marquee sign (though we don't know that) saying "To-nite: Golden Curls" almost like an omen on what the killer has a blood lust for.

The Lodger is the first of a long line of masterpieces created by Alfred Hitchcock. This is really where it all began on the silent studios of London, developing into a career rivaled by only a few others. The formula is here in its infant form and even though generations would pass in his career, Hitchcock continued to deliver with the concept over and over again. A silent era gem.

Invictus (2009) ****

2010-07-11T13:19:00.000-07:00

Invictus opens with a motorcade driving down the roads of South Africa carrying Nelson Mandela (Morgan Freeman) from his prison for close to three decades. A short time later he would become President of South Africa. The problem for the new president is that he leads a nation that is torn apart on racial lines. There is a deep divide even on his staff, many of whom were kept from the past regime.Mandela needs something that can bring his country together in a way that no speeches and gestures could achieve. No, he decided to use the national rugby team and the upcoming world cup. The basic premise is the underdog story where the nation falls behind this one team and their quest for victory.

I knew absolutely nothing about rugby going into this movie. I still don't know much more than when I started watching the film, but director Clint Eastwood uses rugby as the MacGuffin in this film. Sure, the basic premise involves a rugby team, but that's like saying that North By Northwest is about the microfilm. It's about the journey getting from point A to point B. Even though the film follows team captain Francois Pinaar (Matt Damon), it's really the story of how the team was the tool to begin the reconciliation of the nation.

We all know how great a director Clint Eastwood is, but what's surprising about his projects is the way we never know what he's going to do next. Doing a movie about the end of apartheid from the standpoint of a rugby team is a gutsy move and would be a daunting challenge, especially in the eyes of todays movie viewer. Eastwood takes the ball and runs with, deliver yet another gem to his growing collection. It's not as great as Unforgiven or Mystic River, but it is worthy of the praise it gets.

Dear John (2010) *

2010-07-10T20:12:00.000-07:00

When going into a movie like Dear John you are guaranteed two things. The first being that someone is going to die. It's a fact. Nicholas Sparks has killed more men than cancer. The second is cheese. Cheesy dialogue, cheesy acting, and a story so full of cheese you will behold its power like those commercials tell us we need to do. The thing you have to remember is that cheese sells.

The plot is this: John (Channing Tatum) meets Savannah (Amanda Seyfriend) and they fall in love. John's in the military, he goes off vowing to make her an honest woman. 9/11 occurs and John re-enlists. Savannah has to deal. Dad is Rain Man. Yes, this film exploits a ton of situations just to get you going. Yet it still fails.

Someone needed to write John and tell him this movie should be considered DOA. It felt like three plots mashed together into one blob that doesn't really make much sense unless you read the book. Believe me, if the book runs as poorly as the film does then there's is something to being illiterate.

Extraordinary Measures (2010) **

2010-07-10T14:07:00.000-07:00

Extraordinary Measures follows the story of P.R. man John Crowley (Brendan Fraser) and his wife Aileen (Keri Russell) as they cope with and search for a cure to the genetic disorder plaguing two of their children. John's research leads him to Dr. Robert Stonehill (Harrison Ford), who is a leader in theorizing cures for the disease, but has no real funding to test them. The film unfolds as the two develop an organization and raise capital so that John can find a cure for his children.

Extraordinary Measures feels like a made for TV film, probably for Lifetime or O!, the difference being that the budgets are bigger and you have a cast that has been heard of before. It's paint by numbers here: John's desperate, reaches out to Stonehill, Stonehill shoots him down, promises are made, Stonehill meets the kids, one kid is very adult-like, Stonehill falls in line, away we go. We've seen this plot thousands of times. There's nothing new here. Fraser is a little over the top as the father; I know he should be over the top as THE father, but he seems to ham it up on the wrong occasions. Keri Russell is very good in the film, but she is used more as a back drop for Fraser, a shoulder to cry on so to speak. More of a role for her would have benefited this film tremendously. That brings us to Mr. Ford, who has seen better days, yet I can't help but feel that this is the closest to the real Harrison Ford you'll ever see on screen- quiet, reserved, wants to be left the hell alone, yet he'll rip your head off as needed. Sadly, he's too good for the material he's given.

This is supposed to be one of those films that tears at the heartstrings, making you feel for a father willing to do anything for his kids, like make seven figures and move into a mansion. That's a hard thing to do. You're more likely to be checking your watch at the hour point and praying for either a cure or death during the closing thirty. Three words- cliched, hokey, and dull.

She's Out Of My League (2010) ***1/2

2010-07-06T21:06:00.000-07:00

We've all seen it before. "How in the hell did HE end up with HER?" discussion that comes up when a guy of minimal social skills and looks ends up with the 10. Molly (Alice Eve) is in double digit territory, while Kirk (Jay Baruchel) is lucky to be half that amount, but in a strange twist of fate and a lost phone Molly and Kirk end up together, much to the bewilderment of their friends and family.

Now before you think this is a romantic comedy I must warn you that this is comedy in the raunchy arena. There is a testicle shaving scene. Enough said. On the other hand, this isn't a one off raunchy fest like last years I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, which was a fall flat, unfunny dud that tries to play off having a message. She's Out Of My League is dirty at times and it's sweet at other times. There's a message in there- Who gives a shit what other people think. If your happy with where you are and who you're with, then that's what it's all about.

This is one of those movies that couple will actually enjoy together. The ladies will like the love story aspects of the film and the guys will enjoy a nice bit about premature ejaculation. It's a win-win.

Book Of Eli (2010) ****

2010-07-06T17:32:00.000-07:00

Once again, we travel to the land of post-apocalyptic hell in movies, a desolate existence of scavenging for water, food, iPod batteries, and books. The title character Eli (Denzel Washington) is doing what Samuel L. Jackson was destined to do in Pulp Fiction and walk the earth, carrying with him a leather bound book that he protects with his life. His is an existence of living off the dead carcass of humanity and being cautious of the remaining humanity that has fallen into decay. Eli stumbles into a town looking to recharge his MP3 player that happens to be controlled by Carnegie (Gary Oldman), an overlord that is obsessed with books, any books he can get. But there's one book in particular that he's looking for and guess who happens to have a leather bound copy in his grasp? Eventually the solo Eli befriends Solara (Mila Kunis) who helps and is helped by Eli.

Directed by The Hughes Brothers, the film represents a world that is as gray as it appears during the film. It's a bleakly shot film that represents the world Eli walks through. The apocalypse has done little for UV Rays as everyone is forced to wearing sunglasses outside or be rendered blind as a bat. The film feels like an overcast day where the sun isn't shining, yet it still hurts the eyes. A depressing looking film for a depressing looking world.

Obviously, a film with Denzel Washington and Gary Oldman is going to be at the high end of the acting scale. Denzel is always good at playing the character he's created over the years, molding it to the situation and psychology of his role. He again achieves this in Book of Eli. Of course Gary Oldman could play Michael Jackson if he wanted to, a consummate actor who becomes the role that he plays.

Book of Eli is a fine example of an action film that is smarter than your average action film, a movie with a story that can be almost inspirational at times. It does throw some curve balls at the audience, but unlike some of the other plot twist films it doesn't hinge on the plot twist. It's a film you won't be disappointed in.

Timer (2009) *

2010-07-06T14:51:00.000-07:00

Timer is a small, forgettable film that tries to be cute, but ends up being the definition of boredom. Some time in the future a company will bring to market a device that gets shot into your wrist that will begin counting down to the exact moment you will meet your true love. Like the new iPhone and video chat, your future sweetheart must also have said device for the timer to begin. A woman pushing thirty (Emma Caulfield) has built her life around finding her "one" with this timer that sadly hasn't started for her yet.

This is one of those films that thought it had a great gimmick, but didn't achieve anything real substantial because that great gimmick really sucks. Would humanity really stoop to getting the gratification of knowing when that person would enter their lives? I don't know. Probably. The problem with Timer is that you watch most of the film hoping that true love will overcome a piece of plastic and silicon attached to everyone's wrist, but in the end technology wins out. If there's a metaphor there about us right now I can't see it through the haze. We Shall Overcome has been replaced with Now Serving #47.

Sprinkled with bad acting, writing, and directing Timer is your typical direct to video mainstay that keeps rental stores shelves full. It's a good date movie that you'll forget about during dinner or a tumble in the back seat of the car. Seriously, I wrote the title down to write this review later and had no clue what movie this was until i went to IMDb to figure out what movie I was writing about. Don't waste a lot of money on this one because you'll be somewhere later, looking for what you spent on Timer wondering "I thought I had three ones in my pocket". This is a masterpiece in forgetability.

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (2010) *

2010-07-05T18:14:00.000-07:00

I have to open up this review of the new Twilight film Eclipse with a little story. It's kind of reminiscent of my review of Made of Honor and the long walk that was made by numerous men drug to the film by their wives/girlfriends/mistresses. As I sat in the theater waiting for the lights to dim and the screen to light up with images of pale vampires and topless werewolves I yet again saw the long walk, as if these guys were going to the electric chair. I wanted to stand up and walk over to these sad guys with their heads down low and give them a hug and say "It's going to be OK. We're going to get through all of this. I saw Ghosts of Girlfriends Past being the only male AND the oldest person in the theater and that movie had a topless hack that couldn't act, too." But then I realized that I was in a theater showing a Twilight movie and two guys doing that would be very, very gay.

Eclipse opens up with what can only be described as a feminine hygiene commercial. Our two starring lovers Edward (Robert Pattinson) and Bella (Kristen Stewart) are in a beautiful meadow with blooming flowers and bright sunshine around them, which is funny because he isn't burning to death or sparkling. As the film progresses Shark-Boy (Taylor Lautner) continuous tells Bella that he knows that she is in love with him because he has great abs and mediocre acting ability. I have to apologize to the word mediocre for using it to describe or topless hero. While the whining continues there's some kind of vampire army being created so that a vengeful vampire (Bryce Dallas Howard) can get even with Bella and her vampire posse. In an effort to thwart her plans the vampires team up with the wolves to stop the growing influx of illegal immigrants-eh vampires.

Eclipse is schlock of the lowest common denominator, a piece of melodramatic drivel written so that we can get some heartfelt exchanges and teenage lust. I don't understand how people can read this shit when I can barely stand to sit there and watch it. The characters are one dimensional dishrags that have no substances other than to give their respective looks for the camera. Bella is always looking down, depressed because she isn't dead yet. Edward has that GQ look to him that screams "that's right baby, too good to be true." And Jacob is the king of the temper tantrum, sulking with his bottom lip poking out. Cry my hands full, baby.

This is a very basic movie. You have to ask yourself the question: Why would the wolves want to help the vampires to protect Bella? Hundreds of years of antagonism between the two parties and they suddenly decide that we should make friends so that we can protect the goth chick that isn't even a local. I believe in the tooth fairy, too. I understand this is a film about vampires and wolves, but at least center the god damn thing in some sort of reality, not a fantasy land of shimmering corpses and instant abs when you reach puberty.

At it's best moments this film is a total waste of effort. I've used the term "all gravy and no meat" before and with Eclipse there isn't even gravy. Just a lonely styrofoam plate, totally disposable because you can grab a new one next time. That's what this film and the entire "saga" reprsentsa disposable cash cow. That ticket will get paid for. You'll by the DVD. Tweens will plant the posters all over there walls, much to the chagrin of their father's drywall skills. You'll forget about it when it's gone.

Now's the part when I write that it doesn't matter what I think and that millions of dollars and tickets will be generated in the coming weeks from this juggernaut that is comparable to a Lifetime Original Music version of Harry Potter. It's still true. If you were going to buy that ticket you don't give a fuck and what I say, I'm just one of the haters. If you weren't going to buy the ticket, good for you. Do something redeeming like watch Benny Hill or something. His program was full of insane erotic relationships, too.

The Wolfman (2010) **

2010-07-02T21:50:00.000-07:00

Having always been a fan of the old school Universal monster films I was intrigued when I heard about a Wolfman movie. Naturally this was a cash in on the wolf phenomenon created by the Twilight films, but the concept of breathing life in one of the untouched franchises was an interesting concept. Sadly the film was no where close to what was expected. Instead of an exciting thriller, we get a dull, boring film that features Anthony Hopkins hanging around the house acting crazy.

The film stars Benicio Del Toro as Lawrence Talbot, a stage actor who returns home upon the death of his brother. Left at the Talbot estate are his brother’s fiancé Gwen (Emily Blunt) and the patriarch of the Talbot clan Sir John (Hopkins). You can guess what happens next- Larry gets bit and turns into one of those ill famed creatures of the night while being hunted by Inspector Abbeline (Hugo Weaving).

The problem with The Wolfman is that it tries to be so much more than it really should be. After looking at the running time I could have sworn it was forty minutes longer than it really was. The film drags on and on with nothing happening. Of course when something does happen it is either lukewarm at best or fails miserably to the point of being campy. The “wolf-out” effects are great, but they’re totally wasted throughout the film. I know there were problem when putting this together; a revolving door of directors, actors, and probably two dozen scripts. If these are the root problems then it shows. The Wolfman is lackluster at best, a totally forgettable film that really does nothing other than make the viewer long for the original film. This is your typical big, fat, dud.

9 1/2 Weeks (1986) *

2010-07-01T20:12:00.000-07:00

Let’s just say it right now: 9 ½ Weeks is really a high end Skinemax flick. There’s no plot. There’s no real acting. There’s nothing believable in this thing. You could hyave replaced Kim Basinger with Marilyn Chambers and Mickey Rourke with any random Hollywood actor under the age of thirty and make the same quality of film.

The story goes like this: John (Rourke) meets Elizabeth (Basinger), who runs an art gallery in New York. He flirts. She says no. Then says yes. They do the no pants dance. John humiliates her. She almost leaves. No pants dance. Repeat. There’s your film. Basinger’s character is a dishrag not only for John, but for the film itself. She’s just set dressing and that’s it. No real depth at all. John is even more shallow. He wears a siuit, works in an office, and is really into humiliation. The only use for this film a quarter of a century later is to make us realize that at least we’re not aging as bad as Mickey Rourke. This film is crap.

Hot Tub Time Machine (2010) ***1/2

2010-07-01T19:53:00.000-07:00

As Hot Tub Time Machine opens we see Lou (Rob Corddry) slide is 1979 Trans Am into his garage, shut the door, down a little vodka, a little Russian energy drink and hit the gas. Of course none of these things can go together without dire circumstances, but what better way to go, eh? Lou’s moment of stupidity is interpreted by his friends (John Cusack and Craig Robinson) as a suicide attempt and they decide to cheer old Lou up by taking him to the ski resort they partied at during their ‘80’s hey day. Sadly, the whole area seems to have been a victim of the ‘00’s bust and the once swinging resort is now a dump. Our quartet, with the addition of Cusack’s character’s nephew Jacob (Clarke Duke), end up in the hot tub, where hilarity, drunkenness, and hallucinations ensue. The thing is that when the guys wake up the following morning they have returned to one wile weekend in 1986 that seems to be the hinge of their lives.

We should have expected and onslaught of films that will ride on the coat tails of The Hangover. This is Hollywood we’re talking about. If there’s a nickel to be squeezed from a genre then the studio will have a juicer handy. Hot Tub Time Machine, though not as funny as The Hangover, is still a funnier film than most of the schlock appearing on screens across the country. It’s kind of like an excessively vulgar Back to the Future, which is ironic since Crispin Glover is in this movie, too. This is a raunchy, dirty comedy; the kind kids sneak downstairs to watch on HBO at night.

The key to Hot Tub Time Machine is the characters. John Cusack plays his usual role that he has become the master of, a sort of modern day monk throwing out philosophical ideas while eating from a bag of shrooms. Robinson plays the guy that is devoted to his wife even at the expense of his dream. Duke is the nerd playing video games in the basement. It’s Corddry who plays the guy we all know. The guy with the stupid ideas. The guy that is turned to 11 all the time. He’s loud. He’s obnoxious. Everyone knows the character. It’s like there’s a factory producing this guy and they’re deliver to strategic points so that everyone gets their own fair share of bullshit. Corddry succeeds at becoming that pain in the ass.

The Road (2009) ****1/2

2010-06-27T20:37:00.000-07:00

The Road is another post-apocalyptic tales about life after God decides to smite most of us from the planet due to whatever would cause the Supreme Being to smite us at a particular time and place. The thing about The Road is that there is no build up to CGI explosions and the earth swallowing whatever it can get whole. This is purely the aftermath of such an event. There’s no real explanation about what happened. When you think about it with a worldwide cataclysm would there still be people offering explanations? There would only be a need for survival. Life is the most valuable commodity now.

What’s great about The Road is how ambiguous it is. The Man (Viggio Mortensen) and The Boy (Kodi Smit-McPhee) have one primary goal- to stay alive. Their secondary objective is to reach the ocean. With the fall of humanity this isn’t an easy objective as plundering and cannibalism reign supreme in this new land. The Man is also under the spell of the new world order, but is curtailed by the boy to show a little humanity by giving to others instead of taking and keeping all that he can get. It’s a road picture to no where, an atmosphere where death would be welcome because even hell would have to be better than this.

The Road is a bleak tale, shot with no color because there is no real color left in the world. There’s nothing for the eye to catch and appreciate because the eye is watching for someone who wants to take something. Director John Hillcoat delivers his first big motion picture in this adaptation of Cormac McCarthy’s novel. The film drives like a father teaching his son how to survive, yet the boy teachers the father more than each of them will ever know. Mortensen and Smit-McPhee develop an on screen relationship that is one of love. The father loves his son and wants him to survive, but is willing to lose him if this hell overtakes him, while the boy loves his father by showing him that there is nothing to lose by being human. Both actors bring this to the screen and being the two main players, carry the picture through its dark and deathly world.

Simply titled The Road on has to wonder if this is a look at the death of the earth with the insects of humanity scurrying along trying to survive in a world that will soon be a cold dead rock. The other question is does The Road offer any kind of hope for those same insects scurrying around with their shopping carts and limited supply of shotgun shells. By the end of the film it will be for the viewer to decide. The apocalypse isn’t as simple and easy as it is in movies. It’s a revolving door on where one thing should end and another should start.

The Crying Game (1992) ****

2010-06-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

Before starting my review of The Crying Game I must let you know that if you know the big plot twist in the film it isn’t a major turning point in the film and doesn’t take away from the overall experience. If you don’t know the twist, then forget I said anything.

A British solider named Jody (Forrest Whittaker) is kidnapped by IRA terrorists and held for ransom, mainly a prisoner exchange. While being held at a small, deserted farmstead in the woods he befriends Fergus (Steven Rea), one of his captors who butts heads with his fellow IRA colleague Jude (Miranda Richardson). After the abrupt death of Jody and an attack by British troops, Fergus travels to London to fulfill a promise he made Jody to look in on the love of his life Dil (Jaye Davidson). A relationship blossoms between this rough and tumble singer and the ex-IRA terrorist that is threatened to be torn apart by his past.

Like films such as Full Metal Jacket, The Crying Game feels like two films combined into one. Opening in

Ireland

and the events with Jody, the picture drops us into a completely different world in which clubbing and living the lifestyle are king. There is nothing left for Fergus to fight for in this rich new land, except for Dil and the ghost of Jody that seems to haunt him as he goes along. Neil Jordan delivers a film that is hypnotic in the way it operates and flows from scene to scene, even though we stay in the same familiar places in each section of the film.

Steven Rea is magnificent as the confused terrorist Fergus, originally confused by the war he was involved in and now confused by his relationship with Dil. Rea has real presence on the screen and achieves that sympathy that an actor in such a situation needs. Among the rest of the cast this is a well performed film with little to be ashamed about. It’s a fantastic film that travels without us going anywhere because of its performances.

Of course The Crying Game is remembered for one thing. It’s much more than that one particular scene and it still doesn’t change the overall tone of the film. A great film from the early 1990’s when movies were starting to climb from the doldrums of the 1980’s.

Edge of Darkness (2010) ***

2010-06-27T16:02:00.000-07:00

Fresh from his anti-Semitism world tour Mel Gibson is back in the role that made him a star- a vengeful father seeking justice. Gibson stars as Thomas Craven, whose daughter (Bojana Novakovic) returns for a visit home only to be gunned down walking out the front door of his home. Distraught, Craven begins his own investigation that seems to go beyond the original idea of someone aiming for vengeance against him. We’re talking real hard core conspiracy here- something that may end up killing him as well.

Edge of Darkness is a nice thriller directed by that 007 savior Martin Campbell. Gibson hasn’t lost much of a step since we saw him last, though his Boston accent is a little too Boston if you ask me. The acting isn’t really a problem with Edge of Darkness; it boils down to the plot. The thing about a revenge movie such as this is that it’s a very basic formula. Let’s look at a few that came before it. Death Wish, for example, has Charles Bronson’s wife murdered, his daughter raped, and him on a rampage killing nameless thugs in the dead of the night. Let’s look at Mel’s Mad Max. The second half is basically his wife and son getting ran over by the Toe Cutter and his crew with Max snapping and picking them off one by one in the leathers that all the ladies like. Let’s do one more- Taken from a couple of years ago. Daughter goes to Europe, gets kidnapped, Liam Neeson shows up, shoots the wives of old friends, kills numbers of people, rescues daughter. Do you notice the basic pattern with these films? The key word in that last sentence is BASIC. Revenge isn’t a complicated matter. It’s rather simple when you get right down to it.

Where Edge of Darkness falters is that it becomes way too complicated for its basic premise. You’ve got a huge conspiracy with left wing whackos, the right wing whacko, and the national government in general. You’ve got hidden computers and dead witnesses. Instead of a lone act in the night causing a seemingly normal man to snap you get a huge conspiracy that even Woodward and Bernstein couldn’t crack. This premise is good for a political thriller, but not the vengeance tale that this bills itself as.

I know I’m being a little picky about this. It just seems like a cheat, trying to make itself look like Taken, but really playing like a poor man’s Tom Clancy. The complicated plot really drags the film down from a father trying to bring closure to his daughter’s death. It’s still an OK thriller, but that’s all. And who the hell was Ray Winstone supposed to be?

Daddy Day Camp (2007) 1/2

2010-06-27T15:32:00.000-07:00

Daddy Day Camp is a cinematic achievement, worthy to be mentioned along side other great children’s films such as Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, The Wizard of Oz, and Toy Story. It is a sincere, magical tale that all generations can enjoy. By now I hope you realize that I’m full of shit. Daddy Day Camp is the cinematic equivalent of horse manure. Wait a minute- I can’t even say that because at least with horse crap you can grow something useful. The only thing that Daddy Day Camp grows is a reputation of being one of the worst films ever made.

The film is a sequel to 2005’s Daddy Day Care, which wasn’t a very good movie itself, and has the distinction of having absolutely no one from the original film in its cast (the fact that I’ve said that means that someone will correct me. I’m going to be honest, I didn’t waste the time checking because what’s the point). This time around Charlie (Cuba Gooding, Jr.) and Phil (Paul Rae) end up running a day camp due to Charlie’s childhood nightmare of blowing a triathlon at Camp Driftwood thirty years earlier. From here it goes into a crappy version of Meatballs/Bad News Bears as the campers compete against the rival Camp Canola. Farting and belching ensues.

We could address the problems with Daddy Day Camp one by one, but I have to eat sometime and, let’s be honest, most of you out there know that this movie sucks. I knew it sucked, but I had a 2 for 1 rental and my son wanted to see it because of the first one. He liked it, but a good fart joke is like Richard Pryor to him, too. I’ve gone over the story, which is pretty much every other underdog camp story known to man. Only this time it’s executed very poorly. It’s cringe worthy. The acting also fails on all levels. I’m not going to blame the kids because they’re kids, but let’s look at the guy that won an Oscar. The idea that Cuba Gooding, Jr. won an Academy Award leaves a little bit of green on poor old Oskie’s head. He’s the Pat Quinn of the Academy, being in the right place at the right time. I know I can say the same thing about Marisa Tomei, but at least she had a good turn in The Wrestler and not because she was topless. The tell tale sign was when Eddie Murphy didn’t do this movie. When Eddie Murphy won’t even be in your movie then you know it’s going to be garbage. Eddie and bad movies is like Mikey and Life cereal- he just can’t get enough. Enter Cuba.

Kids will like Daddy Day Camp. So save it for a long car ride and give them some head phones. Let the 90 minutes of joy engulf them as they watch. Ten years from now they’ll see it on cable, watch five minutes and realize “This movie sucks, let’s watch Night Patrol”. You know it’s coming…

Remember Me (2010) ***1/2

2010-06-26T19:17:00.000-07:00

There are many things that define life. Our triumphs dictate who we are. Our tragedies lead us to who we have become. Remember Me follows the lives of two people who have gotten where they are based on the tragedies that have defined their lives. Ally Craig (Emilie de Ravin) watched as her mother was gunned down on a subway train, leading to a philosophy of why wait because your life could be snuffed out any minute. Tyler Hawkins (Robert Pattinson) has fallen into a malaise since the suicide of his brother years earlier, coupled with the fact that the incident has shredded what he had as a family. The cards that life has dealt have also had a great impact on each person’s father with Ally’s father (Chris Cooper) being over protective to the ninth power, while Tyler’s father (Pierce Brosnan) is distant and withdrawn from his family, tied to his work. Eventually as the two fall in love they have to deal not only with their own demons, but the lingering effects from their families.

Remember Me is about trying to take that second step past whatever haunts you. Life goes on and the past is simply in the past. We just need to find a way to deal with it. The film gets across its main point in this respect, but some of the plot points seem a little choppy when taken in by the viewer. Instead of creating a poignant meeting between the two leads we get a situation that’s more like 10 Things I Hate About You instead of a drama such as this. Director Allen Coulter tends to get a little to artsy in his presentation at times, taking long looks at inanimate objects. Some directors can get away with this and some just look like they’re ripping off those other directors. Coulter looks like the ripper.

Once again, any cast with Chris Cooper is a good cast and this film is not the exception. There are actually a few surprises in this film from an acting standpoint. de Ravin possesses the innocent melancholy of her character. Not a depressed person, just a free spirit that understands the value of life. Pierce Brosnan actually pulls off a New York businessman in this film, accent and all. The thing is that you still see him as James Bond. Hopefully the day will come when he can pull a Connery and get a role that pulls him from the tentacles of 007. The true standout in this film is Robert Pattinson. I know that I’ve been bashing his ability based on his role in the Twilight films, but have now come to one conclusion- you can’t polish a turd, Beavis. Pattinson is obviously a better actor than Twilight is a movie. This film proves that point by giving him the chance to be more than just a pale, depressed looking creature of the night.

This is one of those dramas that sort of ties everything together, not in a neat bow but in an ugly sailors knot. It’s not perfect by any means, but it gets the same job done.

The Life Before Her Eyes (2007) ***

2010-06-23T20:25:00.001-07:00

The Life Before Her Eyes opens up with the typical high school day of not really caring about classes and dishing on who’s doing what with whom. But as Diana (Evan Rachel Wood) and Maureen (Eva Amurri) discuss life and death affairs in front of the bathroom mirror all hell breaks loose as a student, alienated and depressed, begins to pen fire throughout the school. Eventually he makes his way to the bathroom and the life changing event for these two girls.

Flash to twenty years later and Diana (Uma Thurman) is married with a child, but the past still haunts her. The events of that day leave a thick cloud over her world and dictates what she does and where her child goes to school. As the anniversary of the event approaches Diana finds that it is allowing for her life to spiral out of control.

This is an OK exercise in examining the teenagers we were and how they became the adults we are today. Wood and Amurri keep the audience interested while Uma begins to bore us to the point of annoyance. She either over sells it or under sells it and it coats the film in a funk that it doesn’t really get out of. A competent film that you’ve never heard of it does present an interesting premise, yet director Vadim Perelman tends to go a little to artsy with the film. It’s a slightly above average film at best that you’ll watch, roll over, go to sleep, and forget about in the morning like a nothing special dream.

Aliens (1986) *****

2010-06-22T18:23:00.001-07:00

Aliens follows the 1979 sci-fi smash, but not directly. Fifty plus years later a still unconscious Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) is found floating aimlessly throughout space. Ripley quickly learns that the planet that the Alien she destroyed during the first film has been colonized by miners and warns of the imminent danger. Of course, the suits in the Company blow her off until radio contact is lost with the planet and it’s left up to a group of Marines hired by the company to investigate what’s going on.

Directed by James Cameron, Aliens is a departure from the structure of Ridley Scott’s original film. Instead of the cat and mouse games of the original film, Cameron chooses to come at his audience full force with an overwhelming onslaught of action. This is a complete turnaround from Scott’s film and it works just as brilliantly.

This is basically a war film. A group of invaders has chosen to attack and it’s up to the heavily armed military to stop the onslaught, of course this is at the behest of the bottom line of the Company. The problem is that the military feels invincible, the suits are only interested in fiscal matters, and poor Ripley is stuck in the middle.

Just as in the first film Sigourney Weaver is the main catalyst in this film, going from a reluctant observer to hardened warrior. Along with Cameron mainstay Michael Biehn as Hicks and Carrie Henn as Newt the trio are the weight of the last third of the film. Of course I have to mention the legendary Lance Henriksen as Bishop, the android that Ripley is obviously paranoid about during their mission.

The great thing about Aliens is its action. It’s a kick ass sequel that is just as good as the original without repeating the same formula as the first film. Cameron does what no one has been able to do in following Cameron in the Terminator films- follow up a classic with something all his own.